Posted by fallsfall on February 6, 2005, at 8:19:41
In reply to psychosis., posted by ghost on February 5, 2005, at 22:22:35
Ghost,
You are having a hard time these days. I'd send you some ice cream, but it would melt before it got to you.
It sounds from your previous posts like you feel a bit disconnected from your therapist, but that you also believe that she is competent. I wonder if it is time to work on that relationship a bit so that she will be able to help you with these other things. This is a really hard thing to do, but I think it might be really important for you.
So, how do you do that? You tell her about your reservations with her - that you are afraid she will ditch you. It is very possible that this fear of yours has more to do with your history than it has to do with her. If you can talk about it with her, she might be able to do two things. She might be able to reassure you that she isn't going anywhere. And she might be able to help you understand what in your past makes you think that people (in general?) *will* ditch you. When you put those two things together, you can start to understand that while being ditched *was* a reality in your life at one time, perhaps everyone in the world isn't really like that. Perhaps you needed to protect yourself from getting too attached because you *were* getting hurt by people leaving you, but perhaps that isn't the case any longer. But you won't know that if you don't stick around long enough to find that out. Does this make any sense?
Telling someone to their face "I think you are going to ditch me, so I'm not going to get attached because then I'll be hurt too much" takes a lot of guts. It is unbelievably hard to do. But you are seeing her so that you can learn more helpful ways of dealing with things. And she has heard this from other people (probably lots of other people) in the past. She will not be shocked or hurt that you feel this way. She will help you to understand *why* you feel this way, and help you to figure out how to feel more comfortable with her.
Do you think you could take the risk to tell her? You could even read your previous post to her, if coming up with the words in realtime is too hard.
I'm worried about you, ghost. You seem to be in a lot of pain, yet I sense that you feel like there is nothing that you can do about it. There ARE things you can do about it. Do you remember the first time we talked, and you ended up reaching out for help that night? It was really hard to do, but you did it and it made a difference to you. I think this is one of those times when you have to reach out for help. Reach out to your therapist (I would kill for a sand table... Well, not quite, my #2 choice had a sand table - gee, maybe that is why she was #2... instead of #3 or #4...). You said that she seems to be a good therapist. Ask her for the help you need. That's what she is there for. And she *is* there.
(((((ghost)))))
IM me. We can eat ice cream at the same time while we chat... I have some awesome chocolate stuff right now. What kind do you have?
poster:fallsfall
thread:453803
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050205/msgs/453915.html