Posted by kara lynne on June 7, 2003, at 15:22:47
In reply to Re: Mildly Sociopathic, posted by JohnDoenut on June 7, 2003, at 1:14:02
Hi John D.
How nice to hear from you! Who are you? Where have you been?I felt especially embarassed after writing about that obsessive little moment in time, so I'm especially grateful to get an understanding response to it.
I was *sort of* hyperbolizing about being sociopathic, but the word did enter my mind... I just looked it up and it said "pertaining to someone who is antisocial and lacks a sense conscience". Well I'm certainly antisocial, but the lack of conscience doesn't fit.
I guess I was just in that edgy place where I felt I could lose it if pushed another inch. The difference of course, imagining or actually acting on those impulses. I was walking around muttering to myself that day, and for a moment after I screamed back at the dog screaming woman I felt like a crazy bag lady. I saw myself first in the reflection of the store clerks as some furtive criminal, then as some animal rights extremist (not that there's a problem with that) and then later through my distorted obsessive-compulsive thought patterns.
I have always said I have a secret case of Turret's syndrome. I don't actually scream out the obscenities, but I think them. I think of wildly inappropriate scenarios or "what if's...", but I don't share them. Some of them are typically OC, I think, like getting an impulse to toss my keys over a bridge into an embankment of water just because I
*could*. I don't always think it's a bad thing; often it's just thinking outside (way outside) the box. I don't mean to insult anyone with Turret's, it's just that I really identify with it on some level. But now I really digress.Thank you for allowing me my digression. I am gearing up (thanks in part to this board and kalyb) to look for a therapist, even though I feel so stubbornly negative about finding anyone qualified who I'd get along with and be able to afford.
So thank you again, and please post more!
Kara Lynne
poster:kara lynne
thread:231001
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/232200.html