Posted by alexandra_k on April 8, 2014, at 5:58:12
In reply to Re: don't know what to do, posted by Dinah on April 7, 2014, at 4:17:07
People are typically very keen for me to think that there must be something off or wrong about me.
I've spent the significant majority of my life thinking that it must be true. Because why on earth else would people say it? Especially people whose very job it was to protect me, to help me, to teach me.
?
I have had a number of workable, helpful, relationships with clinicians. They typically weren't around long. Just long enough to get citizenship / ticket to Aussie or whatever promotion... Not just doctors (I'm not a formal education snob -- which is what led to a couple years absolute grief for me at babysitting institutions). I had a terrific keyworker (whose only formal qualification was some course at tech, I believe, but she ended up being headhunted to a senior position with maternity mental health -- because she was indeed f*ck*ng amazing)... and a terrific psychologist in training... (I only found out about her PhD after we stopped working together -- she turned out to be married to a previous departmental administrator and... Long story...) I did work well with my therapist in Aussie - though we had our moments, we did work well. The training student I saw in the US was alright... Sort of... I suppose... Well actually not really, but whatever.
The tragedy of the commons stuff helped me a great deal. To think of some things in that way. There really are fundamental hypocracies in society... They bother me. Most people don't notice them. Most people don't notice... Much. They are busy worrying about which movie star is getting implants this week or what color of those new shoes to buy... Whatever, whatever... Most people...
I'm feeling a lot better today. I think... I might just be the happiest here than I've ever been. I was pretty happy in Aussie... But I still had a lot of trauma stuff going on... I feel some... Residual? Here... But less. A lot less social anxiety here, which is good. Increased... Maturity? Increased... Coming to terms...
Again... Much of my life has been spent with me worrying 'what is wrong with me what is wrong with me'. Yeah, other people say they worry. Do they worry about it enough to get up off their assess and try and find out? They have university libraries why don't they put their disability time off to some use? That's what I did. I worried about what was wrong all the way to grad school... All the way to PhD... Most of grad school has been coming to terms with stuff from... Ecology. Sociology. About how f*ck*d up environments... Well... About power... Who has it... Who gets to decide...
A little trouble coming to terms with the way things are... But things are the way they are... And I'm mostly alright.
Yeah... Most people do self-reflection the way they 'study' for college lol. They listen to other people (and remember what they say) about as well they do on those college tests. You can tell people 'bring a calculator' 600 times and probably 1/3 won't. These simply are objective facts. You can tell some clinicians that 'I only need to worry about chem right now' is a turn of phrase... But you may as well be talking to your *ss, honestly.
I'm not going to feel like an *ss for pointing it out. Sometimes. I mostly don't. If I can't vent a little here sometimes... Well...
Whatever...
Someone someone... Did try and give me a bit of a talking to in the US... Tall poppy syndrome. I had justificatory things to say at the time. But I'm coming around. This country... Doesn't really look after its best. What are 'its best'? What am I trying to say? The people who could make a positive contribution.
They are putting lots of money into finding the genetic cure for autism. And for making new food that has proven health benefits that can fetch more money on exports. I'm not entirely sure what was wrong with the old food with proven health benefits. Except that we don't think it is earning us enough.
ANd people... Uh... Don't have better things to be doing
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I can't watch the news without feeling pretty f*ck*ng mad... I can't watch the news without thinking:
- Who thought that story was a good idea?
- Who was made to look good / bad?
- What do they want the viewer to think?It really isn't any different from advertising. Government... Propaganda.
Why can't the people be educated.
?
I don't understand.
Could it be the fluoride in the water? I wonder if there is lead in our pipes. I... Uh... Don't know quite what to say. Additives and preservatives and chemically identical obviously not banana to anyone who hasn't done too much chemistry. Not entirely sure what to say.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1062034
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140310/msgs/1063835.html