Posted by floatingbridge on August 23, 2011, at 10:47:20
In reply to Re: Negative thought appearing » floatingbridge, posted by Tabitha on August 23, 2011, at 3:48:29
Yeah, this aren't quite tics. This discussion is helpful. I am concerned that they become tics. Just more automatic thoughts to bat away. There is emotional content. My health has been bad. I have mystery afflictions with chronic pain and fatigue that fits under the umbrella of fibromyalgia. My son is young, and it's difficult to bear being almost bedridden when the fatigue and pain come on together which happens every day. That's on top of the plain old life of waxing waning depression. In a way, this reminds me of another thread here about aging. Losing my health. Two years ago I was
much better, a year ago, less so. It seems progressive. If I was not a mom, I think curling up under the house like a cat and just giving up seems very appealing. I truly despise being ill and depressed with my child. To see the light in his eyes kind of flatten because I am barely there at times, and
he is old enough now to know that his mom is intermittent in her presence.Depression absolutely sucks because I turn away and just want to look inward at what? A wasteland? Yet what is depression? It is debated round and round. Will power,
muscle, God, acceptance, medication....So there are real problems. That's why when I do the emotional math, I keep coming up short and feeling overly challenged.
I do not allow myself to plan or entertain any suicidal plans. It's against my contract. Since my first major depressive episode, I no longer horde pills of any kind. I will go to therapy 2x or more per week, and will not see a jerk for a
therapist like I was. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. I presently have very little hope in that department, though he did say he will do his best to get me sleep as a priority. So endurance, acceptance, unscrewing some of my thoughts lie within the realm of therapy and skill building.I dig a pony.
poster:floatingbridge
thread:994499
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110823/msgs/994633.html