Posted by lucie lu on March 10, 2009, at 9:12:46
In reply to I Feel So Weird, posted by backseatdriver on March 9, 2009, at 22:23:38
Hi BSD,
I am sorry too that you are feeling so guilty and uncomfortable right now. Can you say more about your therapy, how long you have been seeing him and how you see the relationship progressing? Is it possible that you also could be experiencing some "therapeutic honeymoon" dynamics?
Seduction is such a powerful, but ambiguous human behavior. Not all seduction is romantic or sexual. We "seduce" others to make them like or think highly of us and want to be involved with us, to establish some presence for ourselves and perhaps exert some level of influence. We try to put our best feet forward, to make ourselves seem like attractive, worthwhile people with things to offer. We do this in business, academics, medicine, friendships, and many other types of human relationships.
As any successful salesperson (or leader) knows, there are "rules" to seduction. These include active listening, respectful attention, warmth, and body language. Eye contact is very important. It has long been known that enlarged pupils subliminally signal attraction, which is why in olden days, women used to put belladonna in their eyes (belladonna makes pupils larger). Many physical (e.g. neurobiological) and behavioral components of seduction have been targeted in research studies.
Because they are required to build strong, positive personal relationships with their clients, I think many or most Ts are quite good at this sort of seduction. Since they are trained in the art of human relationships, they should know the tricks of the trade, so to speak. They should also be able to control it for the client's good and the preservation of safe boundaries in the therapy.
Not all Ts are equally adept though, and even those that do not mean for seduction to take an inappropriate turn may be relatively unskilled or clumsy. They may frighten or confuse the client, especially those who feel very vulnerable and may feel uncomfortable or unsafe with their own feelings. IMO the good type of "therapeutic seduction" should be like adding spice to the stew, not overpower it or make it inedible.
Of course it may be hard to distinguish if your T really is being inappropriate. But from what you've said, your therapy has been well-boundaried so far and there have been no obvious incursions. You may be right on target with your interpretation of mother and baby, the "are you still there?" mutual interaction.
Do you think you could raise the subject of nonverbal signals with your T and say they are confusing/worrying you? You should not feel guilty because however you are responding or what you are projecting, this is exactly what you are *supposed* to be doing in therapy. If he is not responding to you appropriately or helpfully, then he is not doing his job and this needs to be addressed. But it seems equally likely that there might be mixed-up or confused messages between you leading to misunderstanding. The only way to know that is by talking about it together openly and candidly.
This is really hard stuff, BSD, and it is always easier to advise than to take one's own advice (lol). But I hate to see you feeling so guilty and uncomfortable with your T and your therapy.
Good luck,
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:884680
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/884722.html