Posted by Muffled on November 25, 2007, at 22:33:04
In reply to Re: This is what I will send my T to discuss...., posted by rskontos on November 25, 2007, at 14:34:28
> Muffled, I agree with Star if thatkid has memories and pictures and you have so many parts, I would ask why myself.
*Its such a kid this bad part, I dunno that I'll evr truly know, kids perceive things differently. I don't like to feel what she feels :-(
>I think there is a reason that you don't know about and don't remember and may not ever.
*yup proly never will know, just know little bit. I not think of it cuz it bad bad bad and NOBODDY wanto hear it ugly bad sh*t it is, noboddy, it just should stay away from me.
>Did you read my thread where Twinleaf pointed out that some of the voices aren't happy or trusting yet where things in therapy are going. That maybe what is going on. thatkid isn't feeling safe or her/his memories are still locked up or feelings are not yet resolved enough to let it all go so you are still feeling so out of sorts and not safe with T yet.
*I think we pretty good w/T. But it is SO hard sometimes with splitness cuz there;s different opinions, and stuff going on in my head but I dunno what it is. Trouble and revenge and anger and some parts get mean to others and so much upset, and Thatkid has ugly feelings that make ALL alarms go off and then SO MUCH upset and different things going on. NO GOOD. So we got keep it down for a variety of reasons. This is why I think I need to medicate.
>The fact you dissociated as a child and adult means something made you feel unsafe. What I don't know and maybe thatkid does and still feels unsafe.
*Never felt safe, don't think, lotsa ways. I was little kid, packing a knife. Other kids got dolls, I got knife, ALL the time I have it, ALL the time.
>Let T help with that for now and see if thatkid can feel better. Then maybe you will.
*This where I get confused, how can I do this thing? ALL hate Thatkid. She gross. But its better, now we don't want her to die all the time, maybe we nicer to her some.
I will bet the self destructive part is tied to whatever made you start the dissociation in the first place. I have it too and I have resolved myself to maybe never knowing but at some point hopefully feeling safe enough to let the bad part go.
*Never know, maybe is better I think. I think self destruct is somertimes punish, and sometimes rage. 1 certain part makes it so, so NOT go there. Vomit.
>Therapy is hard that is what it is definitely. I guess necessary though. rk
*I hope it works so I can have peace some day. I wanto help others some day. I want to be a good Mom. I want to not be gross. I want to not feel inside I am bad, always I am bad. Deep inside this is how it is.
Hmmm.
Maybe this why I not understand why T stay. Cuz maybe I don't understand why she stay cuz I gross so bad. But she don't seem to see it that way, and I don't understand this, and she know some stuff, not much, but some. WHY she not go away.
I don't want to wreck her :-(
I like my T.
Hope you can find a good T RK, or that one you got will be OK. I think you goto go more cuz it WAAAAAY to scarey to not go regular. DEFINATELY there's parts that will NEVER trust unless its regular. Only recently, cuz it FINALLY be regular, some young part that was unhappy w/T is now OK I think.
Oh.
I just wish it would go away.
I wish you can have peace inside too.
M
poster:Muffled
thread:796903
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/797067.html