Posted by Dinah on October 6, 2007, at 11:36:57
In reply to Re: :-( :-( Dunno WHAT to do***SEX trigger***:- » Dinah, posted by muffled on October 6, 2007, at 10:51:28
You won't contaminate her. I'm sure she understands that not everyone finds sex pleasurable. And that many people have reason to find it scary. And even if she hasn't been a therapist long enough to figure that out, her view of sex is hers, and won't at all be contaminated by yours. Maybe you should talk about how her telling you how wonderful sex is isn't particularly helpful.
The idea of having to enjoy it was an awful one to me. I liked it much better when my therapist gave me permission not to enjoy it. The sex therapist concentrating on ways to help me enjoy it was much less helpful.
I don't blame you, re. the kids. I can't imagine my husband feeling free to be sexual in front of our son, and I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable with it myself. Do they always sleep with you? How old are they?
Is it possible that as you learn to stay more grounded in other areas of your life, it becomes harder to go away during sex? That *is* a dilemma, because going away does make it easier, at least for me. :(
Does it help if you have more control? I really don't like spontaneous intimacy. I like to make dates with my husband. The more control I have the better. The more I'm able to prepare, the better. And the less I'm worried about being surprised, the better.
I love my husband, and want to be able to share this part of life with him. But he loves me, and wants me to be able to do it in a way that is not unpleasant to me.
poster:Dinah
thread:785464
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070929/msgs/787262.html