Posted by peddidle on April 20, 2007, at 16:33:25
Now to follow-up... do I have to be depressed all the time to have depression? I've felt OK for most of today, but maybe it's just the nice weather. I was feeling anxious when I was in the library trying to work on my paper, and now I'm back at my house feeling kind of "eh." I feel fine, not sad at all, but not as good as just a little while ago. This also leads me to think that the fact that the anxiety/suicidal ideation gets worse when I'm trying to do schoolwork has more to do with being lazy and procrastinating and not wanting to do the work, than it does with being depressed.
I felt kind of depressed most of the day yesterday, including during my session. I was pretty upset after my session when I was trying to work on my paper, also. So, my T wanted me to call or email her if I decided I wanted to get something from the health center to help with the anxiety from the suicidal ideation (i.e. ativan, xanx, klonopin) so that I can write my papers, or even if I just wanted to hear her talk. She also said I could see her for a half hour on Monday to work on some kind of "plan of attack" for my papers. I really don't want to bother her, though, and she's probably gone for the day anyway. I know she wouldn't have offerred if she didn't truly mean it, but it still feels like an imposition. Plus, I only have two more weeks until the end of the semester, and I don't want to start getting "clingy" now, when I know I won't see her over the summer. Although, she said she's not cool with me not being in therapy over the summer, so maybe I can finagle some kind of email or phone session arrangement with her, or drive to her other office every other week or something. :)
I can't tell if I'm really that anxious or not. I mean, I think I'm just an an anxious person in general, so maybe I can't distinguish "normal" anxiety from excessive anxiety anymore. I don't know if I really need to take anything. I guess it can't hurt to try it once, but I also don't want to make the depression/anxiety worse. I also sometimes feel like I have to act depressed so that my T will know that I really don't feel that great. Like, if I feel OK before my session, and I walk in there smiling and happy, that she won't think I'm depressed. I hate how I can feel OK during a session, and then feel like complete sh*t a couple hours later, or vice versa. It makes me feel like, either way, I'm lying to her. At this point, if I'm happy if/when I see her on Monday, will it give her further evidence for her theory that could be a little cyclothymic, or can dysthymia work that way too?
Can I be anxious and depressed? Can anxiety be a symptom of depression? Can I still feel OK, or even happy sometimes and still have depression or dysthymia?
Also, thanks to everyone in chat last night. I hope all the sick princesses are feeling better. ;)
poster:peddidle
thread:751683
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070419/msgs/751683.html