Posted by littleone on February 4, 2007, at 20:27:06
In reply to Shhhhh, posted by muffled on February 4, 2007, at 18:17:10
You sound very tough and protective. I'm glad muffled has someone to protect her.
> Cept when I try and remember I can't. I get scared and sad and can't think. I skitter away and can't not.
You can skitter away from rememberings. You don't have to look at them until you feel ready to. That can be ages away still if you want. Just try not to skitter away from your T. I know your job is to be tough and protective and you don't need anyone, but things can feel a little easier if you let your T help you (that doesn't mean you *need* her, you can just let her help is all).
> And I hope I not forever this way.
> I want my T to be OK with all of us.
> I don't think she understands.
> She don't know I don't think.
> How can I tell her what she don't know?Keep telling her over and over. In different ways from different parts. She sounds like a smart T - if she doesn't understand she'll pick it up. Although she might already understand but just not be talking about it. It would probably help to check with her about what she understands.
> And I can't remember, I just KNOW, I am disgusting beyond anything. Dirty garbage.
> And now the world knows and I don't care.Well I know you believe you're dirty and disgusting, but that doesn't mean it's true. It also doesn't mean that I that believe that of you.
> I don't know what I supposed to do?
> Where is the end?
> How do I get there?
> How do I make it stop?
> I pretend its not true.
> Youngest child wants attn.
> Thats why its so unclear......
> So why can't I go there?I don't know why you can't go there, but I know I have a lot of trouble letting younger parts express themselves because I am so scared of their feelings. And even if I try really really hard to let them out, I must be very very scared inside still because they stay blocked but screaming.
Just be patient with yourself and keep working at it and maybe try soothing parts in the meantime. I found it soothing even just writing out my list of soothing things.
> I am the chickenest person in the whole wide world. Chickenest in the whole universe.
I don't know - I'm pretty chicken. I've seen my T for almost 3 years and have only glanced at him once (when he fell asleep). It took me almost all that time to start talking to him and even now I don't say much really at all. Little tiny maggots make me scream and cry and run away. I bet you'd stomp on maggots.
poster:littleone
thread:728879
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/729789.html