Posted by Tamar on February 24, 2006, at 19:53:38
In reply to Different personalities concept *triggers?*, posted by James K on February 24, 2006, at 16:21:19
> I hope this is okay to talk about here, because I'm not in therapy right now and I'm not sure if this whatever.
Yeah, you can talk about this here!
> Many on this board discuss their brains as different characters/personalities/parts. I think in some it is literal and some symbolic, and some a mixture. This has got me thinking about a way of thinking about me. I know this gets all confused with DID, MPD, inner child, and other things I have partial understanding of.
For me it’s symbolic but it works really well. I don’t have DID or MPD as far as I know, but I find the metaphor useful.
> When I talk about myself and when I go violent or self injury or both, I talk about a switch being flipped. The guy who can handle running a big store customer service system, or shipping and receiving in the back room, has nothing to do with the guy who hides in cabinets when he is hurt, or the guy who becomes homicidal in feeling and intent when someone acts aggressive.
It sounds as if one part of you might benefit from talking to the other part. I’m guessing that the guy who hates being hurt is the younger guy, who is desperately hurt and tries to disguise pain with homicidal thoughts.
> Is there value in identifying those parts of me as seperate, and figuring out who they are, and what they want? Or is integrating them into one me the value? I think questions like this are too much for a board to give answers to now that I've written them down. I'm scared to dig too deep into the destructive part. Sometimes therapist types have told me I should journal, and I try to explain to them that that is dangerous, but it is hard to explain why. Sometimes I'm walking down the street, or driving, sitting, or anything and things happen, and I have to say I did that because of reason A, or reason B, but really I don't know why. Sometimes the adrenaline blanks parts out.
I think there’s a value in feeling the different sets of feelings within you. And yes, it *is* dangerous. It’s dangerous because you might get in touch with your anger. It’s dangerous because you don’t feel in control of your emotions. But at the same time it’s safer because as soon as you can accept your negative emotions as normal and permissible, you can perhaps begin to imagine that you’re not as bad as you think you are…
> The answer probably is I need a good therapist. My head is going the other direction right now, so I've managed to completely confuse myself 3 different ways in about a day and a half.
You are a very intelligent man. Maybe what’s hard for you is facing the truth. And you are a very courageous person… But nevertheless, the truths you have to face are very hard for you. And you’ve been trying very hard to face up to them. But they’re almost impossible to face because they’re so painful.
> If you could feedback on me some, even just to say "I get it" or "I don't get it" or "thanks for sharing", it would help me be less alone right now.
I’m sorry you feel alone. I think you might feel less alone if you talk to inside-James. Just remember that he may be less articulate than you, and younger than you, and less able to express his feelings. But you can help him. You are a man with a lot of love in your heart: save a little for inside-James.
I know you’re afraid and you believe it’s dangerous. It’s dangerous because admitting to those negative feelings is terrifying. It’s dangerous because if you say how awful you feel, you’re afraid you might do something awful.
For the record, I don’t think you’d do something awful to anyone else. My main fear is that you might hurt yourself. And you don’t deserve that. You deserve to be loved the way a man loves a woman; the way a mother loves her son; the way a friend loves her best friend.
You are a beautiful person, James. I hope you’ll begin to recognise it soon.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:612863
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060211/msgs/612941.html