Posted by alexandra_k on September 7, 2005, at 22:21:11
i hate it how that happens
i really don't feel that i can talk to her about what is on my mind.
talking about it will only upset me
talking about it is only upsetting me
but still: sometimes you have to get it out
but no good will come of it.
i have come full circle
back to the issue that first brought me to babble.
i'm always going to have periods of non-productivity
i'm always going to have a couple days a week where i can't manage to do anything
i'm always going to miss some deadlines
and i have to face that
while i might improve
gradually
gradually
over time
i'm not going to improve fast enough for what i want out of life to be obtainable.
and it really isn't fair of me to apply
where the best case is that i take a place that could (should) have been offered to another
that would have been offered to another if they appreciated my situation a little more
if things get real bad
as they do from time to time
then i will be deported for treatment
and if i get deported back here for treatment of course i won't actually get treatment
and with no treatment
with no assurance that a recurrence is unlikely
they will not have me back
they will be peeved
that they wasted considerable time and money on me
they will be peeved
that i applied and kept this quiet
they will be peeved
that i knew it was highly likely that i would have a bad patch
a bad time
that i knew i needed treatment
that i kept all this quiet
and that they wasted considerable time and money on me
and word will get out...
(and this is all assuming they haven't found me out already)
and what hope is there really?
there isn't any
there isn't any f*cking hope
and i feel sick to my stomach
the world is one f*cked up place
the injustices make me want to heaveand you can have this back now thanks
poster:alexandra_k
thread:552085
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/552085.html