Posted by Susan47 on July 1, 2005, at 12:48:44
In reply to Re: My decision! :) (followed by personal ramble), posted by caraher on June 27, 2005, at 12:57:45
I love it when you say stuff like that. The ability to express your inner life.. it's a dream come true. So fierce the knowing that this is what I mean to do with my life, this part of it's so rewarding. Talking to people too, having people change before your eyes, the satisfaction I feel when I believe I've had a good effect on an attitude or a negative feeling someone's had.
Babble's good because it gives me a chance to read people. Everybody here is bringing themselves to the table. I'm learning some compassion and understanding. I get annoyed quite a bit too, like a lot of us I'll bet. But in the end I understand people much better than I ever did before. And it's good, it's very very good. I'm able to be less ashamed of my inability to change things for the better, for others.
Yesterday a woman broke down sobbing, her gp had frightened her terribly with something he'd said. There were two of us there, and the other girl is a beautiful person, I love her very much already, she's frail and delicate, but very unsure of herself. Same age, but she has so much to offer that isn't being offered because she's held back. For the first time I was able to feel confident in my ability to be a positive for someone.. and I did the right thing. The woman felt better. Here she'd been, getting the images from the lab or the doctor, bringing them in to her specialist, hoping to talk about the next step of her treatment, she's taking charge, so she feels better and the fear's assuaged a bit by her action. Then she gets deadlocked, the dr. isn't in, isn't even answering her pages right now, she's attending to some other emergency. And the girl with me, you know, she's sitting there and saying "Sorry..." and looking blankly at this woman, and the phone's ringing, and she looks at the phone as though she wants to pick it up, and back to the woman in distress, and the woman is breaking into tears now, she's telling us how upset she is, and the girl sitting beside me feels terrible. She's frozen by her own distress, her inability to do something that will make this better, she's afraid she isn't up to the job. But she is, you know, she's beautiful she has compassion and understanding and love, but her fear's holding her back and this poor woman is absolutely dissolving into desperation. I did the right thing and she went away happy and it was LOVELY, I LOVED IT, I love my job.. I hope I keep feeling that way. Whew.
poster:Susan47
thread:517585
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/521979.html