Posted by Tamar on April 22, 2005, at 8:38:50
In reply to Sublimation and Subjugation, posted by Susan47 on April 22, 2005, at 7:02:31
(((((Susan)))))
It seems so sad that he terminated you (even though you asked him to) instead of helping you explore and accept your feelings.
I think this way of loving our therapists is the most unfair thing. Falling in love should be a happy experience. Our capacity for love should demonstrate that we are mature and compassionate people, and it’s so unfair that it’s not rewarded with reciprocation. Instead, it feels like rejection.
Most people experience unrequited love at one time or another in life. But in therapy it’s so horribly inevitable. It has to end in tears. If they love us back, it hurts. If they don’t love us back, it hurts.
The only thing that helps me is the certainty that unrequited love in therapy is ultimately less painful than an unethical relationship. But that doesn’t answer the question of why we fall in love in the first place.
Sometimes I wonder if the answer is to follow that old adage: ‘the only way to get over a man is to get under another man!’ In other words, the only thing we can do for unrequited love is to find a more suitable object of desire: someone who is actually capable of loving us back. Sometimes that’s easier said than done. And also, maybe more therapy helps, with someone who can help you find insight into your feelings and help you move on.
You deserve to be loved for the person you are. Since your former therapist didn’t understand that, he doesn’t deserve you.
Hugs,
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:487795
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/487822.html