Posted by pinkeye on April 13, 2005, at 14:02:25
All along, I was really scared of trusting a man, because I thought, I would never mean anything to anybody, and that they will one day just walk away from me and not have any impact for themselves - that they would never feel anything about leaving me. I was really scared of trusting someone and developing a healthy attachment to a man. And I think I ended up developing kind of half *ssed attachments because I was scared. I was really scared of someday when they will jsut come and say it is over, and will move on and I will be left alone..
But with my ex T, for the first time, I trusted fully, somehow I thought he was going to be there.. But then as if almost the worst has come true, he sent a mail one day to terminate me and left off. And I am thinking that my worst dreams has jsut come true. That this is why I never wanted to trust anyone in the first place, and that for the first time I trusted, my worst fears have come true.
Logically I can see he was right - he was my tehrapist, and I was just a patient, and I wouldn't have meant anything to him personally, and one day we needed to stop anyway, and we were both commited to other people etc etc. But somehow emotionally it just makes me feel like as if the worst has come true. And I can't seem to change my emotions to follow my mind. It keeps feeling abandoned and rejected and as if the worst that I imagined has come true. I don't want to feel this way, and I know he is really a nice person. But somehow I feel lot of rejection and abandonment and hurt and never want to trust anyone ever again.
Any ideas?
poster:pinkeye
thread:483783
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050409/msgs/483783.html