Posted by Poet on October 3, 2004, at 16:51:35
In reply to Trust (Long, trigger potential), posted by Daisym on October 2, 2004, at 13:47:44
Hi Daisy,
It's good to know that I'm not alone with these issues.
> I'm sure you've already thought of some of this but I'm going to ask anyway. What are you afraid will happen if you "tell"?
My T has asked that, too. I think I'm afraid that she will think less of me. That what was so traumatic that I built defenses around it, really is so insignificant that I'll look foolish for letting it eat away at my esteem for all these years.
She's told me many times that I can tell her anything and she won't think less of me, but some part of me just can't let up my defense.
> When I was really suicidal for a while after telling about the csa for the first time, we did an exercise to clarify why I wanted to die, and who was I really wanting dead. We identified the "good" parts of me and the "bad" parts of me.
This sounds like something that I could do with her. Good parts of me will be tough to identify. Bad parts are very easy, the biggest one being that I am a failure in my own eyes.
I guess that 50 percent trust is progess, it's just so slow. It's taken two years to get there.
I am going to write down all the things that are hidden behind those walls and let her read it. I won't look at her.
Thank you for sharing your story. I know that I am not alone in the struggle to heal parts of me that just don't want to be touched.
Poet
poster:Poet
thread:398271
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/398597.html