Posted by Medusa on October 8, 2003, at 5:41:27
In reply to Psychiatrist as father figure, posted by Jellibabe on October 8, 2003, at 4:57:54
(((((((((((Jellibabe))))))))))))))
It sounds like you think you shouldn't want fathering from him - am I reading that right? Can you give yourself permission to soak it up when you have your sessions, and maybe ask for more sessions?
Could you add fathering supplements from other sources? I think you need more fathering from many different directions, not just from the therapist. I have huge mother issues, and have found a few different ways to get that. I'm wondering what father-sources there are ... if you're religious, you could meet with an advisor/spiritual leader, if you have a hobby (chess, ballroom dancing, photography?), you could find a fatherly instructor.
On the SI front ... this is a really unpopular view, but what would happen if you gave yourself permission to cut whenever you need to? And on the other hand, be sure to wear shirts long enough to cover your stomach and arms, since otherwise you're playing games with trying to get fatherly protection from your kids. Maybe treat yourself to a comfortable, pretty top? I know you really, really need someone to recognize your pain and to stop the inner pain - but you can't stop cutting just for your kids. You have to do what you have to do ... I'm probably not making sense here, saying on the one hand go ahead and cut when you need to, and on the other, DON'T let your kids see this. I reserve the right to SI when I need to - I don't believe that therapists who say to avoid that really understand the relief it brings. I haven't for a while, but I just don't talk about this with therapists - they would say "good!" if I said I hadn't done this in a while, and then I'd feel like it was a moral issue, and *that* completely messes with me. I decided a while ago - I have the right to suicide ideations when I need to, and I have the right to SI when I need to. And that makes it less terrifying than trying to control them is - before, I always felt like I was about to skid out of control.Now my response is probably way too long ... but that's another thing - can you let yourself post as long as you need to here? Nobody HAS to read the entirety of what you write, but nobody can read what you don't write! So give yourself - and those here - the chance, if you can.
poster:Medusa
thread:266662
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/266665.html