Posted by rjlockhart37 on February 7, 2014, at 16:31:02
i'm at school right now, and i'vre been repeatedly thinking about substance/abuse but see when people want to use drugs, both legal through a presciption or illegal through little baggies filled with meth.....it's to alter the brain chemisty to more pleasant, or an altered state because someone is not satisfied with feeling with no substance....that exactly my case, i don't like the way i feel, i hate it and thats why i look to substances to change it....
see this is why i know i have problem, but see i have to admit to it, but i know there's many people who can go to doctors and get treated good, but in my case it's gone down hill, my addiction substance abuse problem with adderall....i would take so much of it because of the stimulation, and then my mother told the dcotors and i was cut off....and it's been vary hard because i can't move out on my own, not that i need adderall....but i know for a fact i would take it repeately over again, despirte the fact that many people can do this, it's just my case i made it well known....
so....i had a couple drinks just a while ago...alcohol is not my substance....i don't like it....only when its needed for the nerves, i also smoke.....
and really tell you the truth, i've been in psych hospitals, rehabs, none of them took away the desire to use, or abuse, or want to use substance to change the way i feel....none of them worked, they where a waste of money....
i've drained my mom of money of all the rehabs, and it's just crazy, none of this would of happened if i just complied and did what was right, but i would lie and say im doing the right thing, and then go abuse when no one was around....thats what my problem is/was, i've heard people in NA meetings say they where dormant of substance abuse for 21 years, and then after they got tired of it....this man finally quit his abstinence and got back on heavy pain medication, and did what he did 21 years prior....
alot of this could have been redone and the only that has to be done, is to get out on my own, im applying for SSI right now, and still it's not enough to move out,...i have applied for various jobs....hopefully it will be enough....but until them we'll see
hopefully....being truthful and honest about my hidden desires will be in the light. I don't care, alot of people don't even have to admit this....but i choose too....because it's been inside me so long, tormenting me....so no more white lies, and saying im doing good, and then lie....
thanks for reading...
r
not a scholar but understand distress.....
"unheard pain, is the told through good company"
poster:rjlockhart37
thread:1060409
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20140123/msgs/1060409.html