Posted by ihatedrugs on November 11, 2011, at 2:51:05
In reply to Re: I'm losing all hope...so tired of fighting in vain, posted by gadchik on November 10, 2011, at 11:53:08
I've taken pretty much every med in the spectrum.
I've been praying to a God who seems to listen to a selected few excluding me.
I have an abundance of love and support.
I don't have financial problems.
I actually have no major problems.
I have climbed out of the pithole of despair so many times only to fall back in deeper than the last time.
I excersise, live in Florida (plenty of sun) take vitamins, supplements etc.
I have been happily married for 25 years and raised two daughters who attend Ivy league schools and are wonderful young women in every sense.
I have nothing to be sad about yet I am so deeply sad and it hurts so much and I wonder how much longer I am willing to endure this pain. I take my meds which either work only to eventually peter out or cause so many side effects making me more miserable or don't work at all.
I tried ECT but felt so bad after the first treatment couldn't bring myself to go back for the others.
I have suffered from this disease since age 19 which appeared out of the blue for no apparent reason. Began treatment at age 33 and it's been an uphill battle since.
I'm tired of doctors, meds, people telling me to be positive. I'm tired of envying people who laugh, people who love to go shopping, who get excited about the holidays. I hate the sound of birds chirping, of waterfalls, of the ocean. I'm afraid I'm holding my husband back. He loves to travel, and socialize and sip a good Cabernet. I used to love all these things but now I can't bring myself to enjoy anything. I'm so tired and so disillusioned and wonder if God really wanted me to live, why would he allow this. At least, people with cancer die but we don't; we are condemned to live in this hellish purgatory and we are supposed to endure it and take it. The thought of living like this 30 more years petrifies me. I don't know how much longer I can do this.
poster:ihatedrugs
thread:1002146
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20111110/msgs/1002243.html