Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on September 25, 2011, at 0:09:25
In reply to Re: I'm pretty devestated » rjlockhart04-08, posted by zonked on September 24, 2011, at 22:04:00
Oh my...this is very long note!!! well let me get started. I'm going to list your question with <<<blah>>> and then I will respond to them with a response sign
- like this....
Let's get started.
<<<Were you happier, were you able to achieve some goals? How were your relationships with other people? If you work or went to school then, how did you do?>>>
-When I was taking stimulants?? I took stimulants for many years and at the end is when I abused them for the self confident euphoric effect they gave me. I did pretty good. Exept at the end of high school i broke down even thought I was taking adderall...still i cried myself to sleep. I hate school. Now when the early years like middle school and early high I did very well with my grades and progressed with sports [cross country and track] but that was before my true addiction manifested. Addiction brings you to very low points of life. I still suffer everyday with addiction in my thoughts. Now stimulnats do increase my concentration but if abused they lower the quality of life to where the only thing you look forward to is the next buzz of self confidence and euphoria. Before this, I didnt have problems at all with taking my medcaiton correctly.
______________________________________________<<<Were you happier, were you able to achieve some goals?>>>
Yes. I had many goals. Top school. Top of the class. I had everything going for me until the idiot got in the way. People think im blaming my mother but she contributed and I want to get even with this situation. I've thought of everything to get even like reading voodoo spells to inflict sickness. I don't want to lower my self that low to do something like that. I just want to get even. I want revenge and the only way I can get it is if im successful in my life and rise above my problems and people that are in the way blocking success.____________________________________________
<<<How were your relationships with other people>>>
It went very well. I had many friends. I usally made the jokes and did annoying things to piss people off like making noises and comments that where just dumb...i ment to be dumb to piss people off. Some people loved me and other hated me. I didnt care I just was who I was. I enjoy being who I was until addiction came into my life._________________________________________________
<<<If you work or went to school then, how did you do?>>>
I did very well until the 11th grade. I was a highly motivated person who dedicated himself to work. I made great grades I just lost that passion when I went off stimulnats. That's when addiction came into my life when I was 17. I started to abuse and abuse people that lived around me. If I knew this horrible day I'm living was going to happen. I would of changed my actions very quickly. BUT consequences catch up with people and they got me for what I did and forced me to tell people what my addiction had done to me.
___________________________________
<<<How was this doctor chosen?>>>
I met her at the rehab I went to. Sundown Ranch is the name of the rehab. here she is:
http://www.santecenter.com/about/staff/index.html?staff_id=2
My previous doctors that prescibed me stimulants where thought insurance connections.
__________________________________________
<<<If you live with your Mom, does she take you to your appointments?>>>
Yes. She comes in every time. And I don't know why I let her in but she's the one who admisters my medication. This is also the idiot that destroyed my life. Put an "I" on your forehead and know what it stands for: my mother. I am so fed up with her I could just punch her but then I would have deal with assault charges and I don't want to go through the legal system of Jail.__________________________________________
<<<If that's the case, and she cares about you, would she be willing to take the paper prescription directly from the doctor and make an agreement with the doctor, initially, to give you any controlled meds for you?>>>
- MY mother??? no way the only thing she's here for is to make sure im miserable and cause heartache in my life. I hate her and I want to get even but I don't wnat to do something violent because that won't get my anywhere and telling people will not help. I want to get AWAY FROM this. Because most of my dependance disorders came from her influence. She always yells. Ungrateful. I hate her. I hate talking about her. She's bad news.
____________________________________________<<<Are you still taking 20mg Zyprexa? As Christ_Empowered said, that is a LOT of Zyprexa. It could be blocking the other meds from working. Are you depressed; do you know what depression IS?>>>
Zyprexa stopped having any effect on me a couple months ago along with all meds I take. It is alot of zyprexa and i have gaind alot of weight from it. My doctor wants me try latunda. I am depressed sometimes when I think of my life and what I havent done with it. Depression is lack of intrest in things that used to be interesting and overall low qality of life from low mood. Low motivation. Social withdrawl and self pity.
____________________________________________
<<<What is it that you're expecting the meds to do for you?>>>
-For them to work and improve my mood in the fist place. They do nothing their sugar pills that have no effect on them. I keep telling people this and ... their like "ok" and then ask the same question over again. It's very frustrating.
___________________________________________1. When were you first put on psychiatric medication and for what?
-Ritilin. ADHD 19972. Was it you, or a parent or teacher that initiated the contact with a doctor?
-my bible teacher 6th grade class. Was concerned that their was verbal abuse going on at home and refered me to a counslor and eventally back to a doctor.3. Do you remember feeling like you needed medicine at the time or did you start taking meds because your parents thought it was a good idea?
-I started taking because my mother said it would help. It took about 5 years until it turned into the addiction nightmare.
4. What are your moods like throughout a typical day, week, month?
-low and frustrated. I was always in a frustated mood when I was a kid because i didnt measure up to people's expectations and lost stuff quite frequnetly. I eventaully got used to all this chaos because it appears to still be apart of my life today.
5. If getting on meds was your parents' choice, what was it they thought that you had? If it was yours, what brought you into the doctor's office? Did you feel sad a lot for no reason? Were you anxious? Had you tried ADD drugs illicitly and they resolved some symptoms or made you feel better?
-Meds where my parents choice. My mother went with me into the doctors office and told them of what was happening. She had no problem with adderall back then but after I abused it she always said no ever since I got off it.
6. Do you have any close friends - ones you can trust to tell you the truth, not just tell you what you want to hear - and think carefully - and if so, what is their opinion on your predicament?
-i have few friends. I don't like to tell people whats going on. Expect when I'm here on the boards.There you go. I hope you know me a bit better now.
Keep up in contacted zonk
Matt
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:997787
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110914/msgs/997806.html