Posted by SLS on November 16, 2010, at 19:57:04
In reply to Re: FML!!!! *trigger about self injury* » SLS, posted by Maxime on November 16, 2010, at 18:01:54
> > Do you believe that you deserve the illness that compelled you to act in this way?
> >
> > I am curious to see how you reply to this question.
> Hi Scott, this is so hard to answer. In the 1990s I was a victim of a ramdom act violence. I was raped and beaten beyond recognition.Oh my God!
Oh, no.
Oh my God!
I am so very, very sorry.
> I still have not fully dealt with what happened and I suffer from PSTD.
> When I received a BabbleMail from someone saying that their husband was very mad with me and wanted to Babble Mail me, I freaked out! Flashbacks to the event. Zoned out and cut myself.
Gosh. No wonder.
> I do feel responsible for what happened to me that dark night in the 1990s.Okay. I'm listening...
> I was walking in a dark and secluded area. I should have known better than to walk in an area like that. If I hadn't been there, I would not have been raped and beaten.
Do you view everything in life as being cause-and-effect?
It is absolutely true that your decision to travel along a certain path led you to harm. However, it was not your decision to be harmed. That decision was made by the perpetrator. It is on him, not on you. You cannot place the responsibility for the behavior of another on yourself. I doubt you will relieve yourself any time soon of the responsibility for the profound changes this event had in your life. After all, it was your decision to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, right? Wrong. You had no such intentions to be attacked. Was there a lapse in judgment? Perhaps. I don't know what information you were working with at the time. Was there a sign saying "Do Not Enter - Rapist"?
You are blaming yourself for creating the cause that led to the effect. Why do you not blame the rapist as being the true cause of the effect?
In retrospect, and with the advantage of time to deliberate your decisions, you might now conlude that you exercised bad judgment. At the worst, it was an honest mistake. You did not decide to be raped when you chose your path. The rapist did.
> Now I have PSTD and for I don't feel responsible for that. I can't. Even though I feel responsible for the event that caused the PSTD in the first place.
>
> Does any of this make sense because it sounds confusing to me.It makes perfect sense to me. I believe that you are a member of the majority of rape victims who blame themselves for the rape. How tragic.
If you haven't already researched the self-blame phenomenon for rape victims, it might be worth the research to help you to better understand your feelings.
- ScottSome see things as they are and ask why.
I dream of things that never were and ask why not.
poster:SLS
thread:970034
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101107/msgs/970520.html