Posted by inanimate peanut on January 16, 2010, at 1:29:32
In reply to Re: Zonisamide/Zonegren, posted by willey on January 15, 2010, at 18:49:45
Time out. This is to willey but also just to generally clear a few things up about me, because I'm getting the feeling from several people about med jumping, etc. First of all, calm down. I am not jumping meds. I have not been jumping meds. I am gathering all the data on everything I can find because I'm making a list that's the only reason I'm still here (on earth-- I just like babble). Maybe thinking about having Zonisamide as an option to add to my list is the only thing that's going to get me through today? it makes me feel like I have options and gives me a reason to get up in the morning and continue to believe that there maybe a snowball's chance that someday I can get better. Yes, I do ask about alot of different meds, supplements, etc. And I have taken none of them except the high dose parnate, Ritalin to control the hypotension, and just now Wellbutrin (and NAC as a supplement because I'm not just testing it but plan to continue it as a part of any combo). I know that plenty of people on this board probably think like willey and Philipa that I am some petulant irresponsible child, but I'm only trying to learn as much as I can about as much as I can in as many ways as I can (here, journal articles, Stanford) to make sure there's something on that list. As for the Parnate incident, I had journal articles saying that they used it safely up to 170, and I wasn't going any higher than 160 because of that. I increased it more quickly because I didn't have enough of the medication to try it more slowly and I had to know if a higher dose would work. I had the problems with hypotension but they went away with a tiny dose of Ritalin. I knew I was taking a risk, and it just happened to turn out badly for me. I only knew my BP was so high because I was responsible enough to buy a monitor and take it whenever I felt odd, which many people wouldn't have done. I still with the Wellbutrin monitor BP morning and night (it's been fine, by the way) and do check-in's for serotonin syndrome symptoms at the same times. I track my moods on a neat little chart so I'll be able to know if there's any change objectively. I self-medicate and don't tell my doctor about it-- that's not responsible but it is the only way to try some things that may work. Once again, I take risks but I know I'm doing it and it's my right to do them with my body. If getting better is more important to me than the risks associated with it, that is my choice. I am in a time crunch, yes. I have to go back to work March 26 and will lose my job if I'm still like this. So, I prefer shorter trials to longer ones. But, I'm not an idiot. I was a Marshall Scholar with 2 degrees with distinction from the University of London before bipolar took it all away. Now the only thing I can do is to try to learn, to research, to ask questions, to add things to my list, so I can get up tomorrow and do it all over again. So please, just let me ask my questions and don't take that away from me. I'm not doing anything with it but clinging to it hoping it will work someday soon. I really respect you willey and pretty much take your authority on Parnate and I'll take into account what you said about Zonisamide. I really appreciate everyone on here who was so supportive and caring when I was in trouble. I just want people to know that I'm a smart woman who can take care of herself (although knowing people are there for you is one of the great parts of this community). I love this community and want to be a valued member. I've been on upwards of 20 meds and can be an asset to people asking questions. But I don't want to be somewhere where I'm looked down upon or viewed as a liability. By the way, the only reason I was asking about Zonisamide is because I'm going to Stanford and the doc there is known for his work with new anticonvulsants-- I figured I would educate myself before heading in. In my book, that's responsible. Nope, Wellbutrin and I are hanging in there (with no results and none expected).
poster:inanimate peanut
thread:933698
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100113/msgs/933883.html