Posted by Cseagraves on March 8, 2009, at 18:45:51
Extreme,
Thanks for the info and input.
We've probably got alot in common. Yes, mental, physical and emotional abuse as a child and as a teenager. Highly stressful life as a child and as a teenager. Also more highly stressful situations as an adult. Went to several pdocs, all putting me on their usual regime of crap.
Some things worked for awhile about 7 years ago, but everything started to poop out. Anxieties would override pretty much every med. Stronger stuff would make me really ill. I finally stepped back and started to analyze what the hell was going on.
Went to a different doc who basically put it all together. He told me after listening to my history that I have been in "Fight or Flight" mode for most of my life. Physically and emotionally I was worn out. WOW!! I had never looked at it that way, but then a light went on in my head as I started to back track all of my lifes events. When my new therapist said PTSD everything seemed to make sense. Especially when he went down the list of what causes women to have PTSD.
I had never learned coping skills.
I had major anger issues because as a child, thats how I was taught to deal with things.
I now live in a constant state of fear that I can't seem to get rid of. (fight or flight)I have been diagnosed with just about everything. Depression, anxiety, bi-polar (fought the doctor on that one). So yeah, I've had some issues but I believe, for me, if I had realized I had these issues 20 years ago, then I would have addressed my situation totally different.
And instead of ever putting that first anti-depressant in my mouth 10 years ago, I would have sought out behavior therapy. At that time, I was in total denial that anything was wrong with my behavior. I started on the anti depressant to pacify my husband.
Unfortunately, thats when the viscious cycle started. Zoloft worked well for a couple of years, but as more stressful sitations came along, I had to switch around to other ones. I had awful side effects with the several ones I tried. Switched pdocs. New pdoc said "bi-polar". I laughed at him. Tried Geoden and Seroquel just to pacify him. Both made me both severly ill and just plain crazy. Thought I was losing it. Never went back to see him.
Even tried Marplan. After 4 days had to come off. Violent reaction.
I also got sick trying remeron, trazadone and valium. The only thing I can seem to tolerate at low dosages is xanax.
So I started thinking. Maybe the reason I don't tolerate any of these meds well is because I might not have a chemical imbalance and I don't need these meds. I came off of everything except my xanax. Would take .5 during the day if needed and 1.5 at night to sleep. (Because nothing else seemed to work for me as far as sleep.) I didn't understand why I would wake in the morning anxietal.
Now after reading some of the post here on xanax, maybe thats why I haven't been able to get rid of some of these anxietal feelings that I have during the day. Didn't ever think that my xanax could be causing these effects. So I guess I'll start weening off of it now.
I decided after the Marplan incident about 4 weeks ago, that I was done. Tired of feeling like crap all the time and I was also just physically and mentally worn out from all the meds. I just don't feel for me that it is a chemical imbalance, but more of a mental core imbalance that just needs conditioning.
I found a great therapist whose specialty is PTSD, am using homeopathic approach to meds, started reiki therapy, and I stopped smoking two weeks ago after over 30 years of smoking which can increase anxiety. (Allen Carrs - Stop SMoking Now book) if you know someone who wants to stop. Great Book!!!!
Also, reconnected with my spirituality. Had to be reminded that its all about Mind, Body and Spirit. Everything needs to be balanced.
Anyway, that's my approach for now and I am hoping this will work. I just want my life back as I am sure many of us here do.
I hope you are in a good place or at least are heading there.
Everyone here has always been very helpful to me and I appreciate you taking the time to post.
Take Care,Courtney
poster:Cseagraves
thread:884494
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090304/msgs/884494.html