Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on December 9, 2008, at 0:22:40
My doctor has me on 80mg of fluoxetine, and....it's not helping at all. And actually i'm seeing a decrease all over. I need to get off antidepressants, i've been on them since, 2004...and i dont see any benefit from them.
I take Xanax, Seroquel (seroquel is not an effective, even at 200mg, it causes derealization)
Complazine (short acting antipsychotic) would be much suitable because it treats "direct" syndroms of anxiety, and "derealed thinking".I've had almost enough...my mother does nothing but scream and yell at this house, even when i'm suffering. I cannot do anyhting back, exept yell at her so hard, that she will leave the house. I've put her down, she's hanicappped me, she kept me to herself, and then at 21 she let's me go, with a mental condition. The woman, it an lazy idiot, who cares nothing exept herself.
I would like, if there is any parents that read this, to see the mental torchure this woman has put me thought, she blames me, and she says "dont blame me, your the problem" no sympathy. And i'm writing this statement, if anyone hears this. If you dont.....oh well, God will Judge every wrong doing, maybe after death, or in this current life, he does it "indirectly", lose your belonging's as Job did in the bible. So, i can't do anything, i know i will move out, the only problem no understands, i do not know how sometimes to do things...(i'm an average-american looking guy) but doing things on my own, i've prayed to the lord, Abba almight himself, deliver me out,
Revelation 22:11 *Let the evil doers still do evil, and filthy still be filty, and the rightous still do right, and the holy still be holy.That verse applies to me, because i see myself, fitlhy, misery, and i beg the mercy of the Creator, God, to understand why i did these things, because he has the "authoritive power", it's just alot....alot of people dont care, and dont relize what he can do.
And also what the dwellings of Satan can do, believe me....i have been through similar, moments in my head, of being attacked, and "directly" while all this is happening, it's like "he's" killing me, while other think i'm fine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpPwC7QRvFQThere been points, when i'm left alone, i want to just give my mother a gun, and say "kill me", you had me, you can take away.
And, i've had night, i just have cried so much....the original me, was deformed, or changed, and i can't stand it. I've destroyed the horrid, trama, i've made myself. This scene...."is graphic" but, sometimes, i want this to happen. Your going to have to login in to youtube to see it. And i'm not doing this for any other purpose, this feeling, this dread, of being the way i am, But i'm not going to do this, but do understand, what it feels like to stay like this? and "no pity". I really, at times, ask god, the "spirit" to take me on home. But.....you have to live whatever you lived through in your past.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPtc_PEW1Lw
If someone, handicapped a person, and now that person wants to die, in my own view, that is morally right. The damage, the trama, i dont give a danm, because "pity" or empathy will turn into "anger, resulting from having to see the same thing over and over.
That's why i change. But.....it's been, obvious, the past few weeks what i've gone through inside.
I'm fine, i just have to vent this out.....
Please take it into consideration, this is "mental agony, pain, distress" to the point, you "want to die" but you can't. That is the worst, punishment you can ever endure.
This is a trigger, but, this is not in anyway to upset anyone, this is actually "in me", forgetting memories, having to take Xanax, (which, in turn, i take it for anxiety, but alprazolam gives the relief of this intense feeling)
If you have an eye, let that eye see what has happened. And, it's my fault, i should of acted, and knew i was not normal, and did something, but what i could i have done?...actaully nothing.
I'm just, you have to have mental toughness, and "hold on" during these attacks, or breakdowns. Then it's all better.
take care
rj
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:867652
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081204/msgs/867652.html