Posted by Nella on October 6, 2008, at 13:25:42
In reply to Re: Depressed 16-yr-old. Help?, posted by manic666 on October 6, 2008, at 4:46:04
Prior to the Varsity rejection, there were no issues like the ones you mention. She's a sports maniac: in her universe, it was a very public and painful rejection.
I could write a book about the insanity of "elite" sports. It kills me that team sports are often recommended as a way to help teens because from where I sit highly competitive high school sports are a hot house of cut-throat allegiances and pettiness and ego games, which coaches reinforce.
It's hard to say where she is now. I contacted her friend's parents: they said their daughters report that she is depressed and has pulled away from them. The kids further reported that she has done this before, which was news to me.
I know she feels alienated. I also know it's complicated because her close friends are involved in sports; and I have seen that various sports up and downs (A team vs. B team / Varsity vs. Junior Varsity) do, in fact, hurt their friendships. It's just an over-competitive scene, and I regret letting her participate in it.
Yes, I agree SSRI side effects are often as bad as the disease, so it seems like opening a can of worms. (And that is why I would prefer benzos, but doubt I could persuade a doc to prescribe them.) Meanwhile, the downward spiral continues.
This started out situational and has taken on a life of its own -- so quickly, so dramatically. It is a mad age: it now seems crazy to make a group of teen girls run the gauntlet, then publicly reject a few of them. Many kids handle it gracefully, though I also think if the coach had been a bit less brutal, my daughter would have been disappointed, rather than devastated.
Bottom line: she was not awarded the privilege of fitting in where she'd hoped to fit in. And since it is a highly competitive team and she is a good player, her rejection is the source of much gossip.
Long road: it was for me and for many of us on this board. I'd hoped my kid had escaped the family disease. Still wish there was "something" that could help her get back on her feet. She's now behind in three AP courses, has failed tests for the first time, and doesn't want to go to school. Every day brings further proof that, as she frames it, "she sucks at everything."
Growing up is the answer. Theoretically, this is a "character-building" experience. But it sure looks like depression, and we all know how character-building that is.
poster:Nella
thread:855985
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081006/msgs/856029.html