Posted by your#1fan on March 2, 2008, at 0:09:40
In reply to Re: Mother doesn't need to know..don't tell her!! » your#1fan, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on March 1, 2008, at 5:27:44
Its night, this is the time i usally post. Its a almost midnight, this is the time im peaked and read to respond to all posts. I feel better late at night. In the day i feel so depressed. Its like another mask comes out at night. Very cool....
Anyways to that, what happened was, the reason i posted that last night, was because, one i was stressed out of my mind that my mother was just being angry. My mom has treated me very well, its just at times (AKA the Annie Wilkes she gets like for a couple a days, and i really we really have fights)
Its going to be a long time from now. But it is soon. I do admit, she wants me to take my medication corrently (perferably Xanax for anxiety and panic's during the day)
By the way im feeling this, this feeling that been plaging most of the day, that i cant control things, i cant control the things, i cant concentrate, i feel as a fool when i make implusive desisions, bying cookies that are going to make me really fat. Plus they taste too sweet! make me sick....this is kinda of what happened tonight.
I'm looking forward to going to bible school soon. I dont know where i am going to be in life....as i said before im a ship in the middle of the ocean, with a unsteady rotter, dont know when im going to turn. And my propellors are always fueled by support from others. Mainly i get it here.
I dont belive this bible school provides which means, will still be dealing with some control issues.
I have to have some control of my life. Even eating...and being impulsive. I feel afraid really right now. When im not hypomanic, i feel im afriad of life. Like today when i got up from a nap, to do a paper (7page anaylsis) with no medication to help was just, i felt so depressed after i woke up, afriad, just i wanted to go hide out from life....but you can run but you cant hide from life. That is fact....IRS... Goverment.. school...everything!
So thanks......keep an eye out for me.
your#1fan
poster:your#1fan
thread:815513
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080221/msgs/815669.html