Posted by llrrrpp on June 10, 2006, at 8:52:24
In reply to Re: Cymbalta working for me » llrrrpp, posted by blueberry on June 10, 2006, at 8:29:28
Hi Blueberry,
I'm glad you asked me about the suicidal ideation stuff.I had a lot of suicidal ideation before I started on the medicine. I had my first 'crisis' about 2 weeks after I started on the meds. my first week was 30 mg, and the second week was 60 mg of cymbalta
Babble (the psychology board, in particular) really helped me through these difficult times. There was one weekend (maybe 3 weeks ago?) where I was feeling very very low. I was pretty sure that I was going to kill myself. The feelings became completely overwhelming. I could think of nothing else. I called my husband (he was away on business) and we talked for over an hour. About life, and ending life, and the particular stressor that was contributing to the feelings of hopelessness. After that conversation, it was about 10 pm. I hung up the phone, and I felt completely paralysed. I could hardly move. It was a good thing, too, because if I could have moved, I would have found the necessary tools to end my life. Instead, I took my medicine. I took double the seroquel and I told myself before I passed out that instead of killing myself tonight, I would starve myself to death instead. It would be slower, but I could still indulge the part of me that wanted to suffer and hurt. For the next couple of days, everytime that I wanted to OD, or throw myself off of the tall buildings or walk in front of a truck or ... you name it- everything was a way to kill myself... I just thought of the emptiness in my stomach, and I felt satisfied that I was already taking action, and that it was only a matter of time before 1) I felt better or 2)I died of starvation.
Around this time, I was chatting with another babbler, she was incredibly helpful and supportive. she gave me some really important things to think about when I am in an acute crisis. Thinking about my husband and my loved ones. Thinking about my obligations. Ways to develop a suicide plan that has a safeguard. (an exit-clause, if you will). Ways to get through the next day by making a promise: I will not kill myself today. And if there's ever a day where I cannot make that promise, I need to seek help. Encouraging me to reach out to my friends to tell them that I need to hang out with people. Loneliness is not good for suicidal people.
My therapist also told me that my strategy of calling my husband and promising myself to stay in bed was a good alternative to attempting suicide.
Also, I did a little research and found that a successful suicide is not a sure thing. The possibility of permanent disability was daunting.
So. That's how got through it. I'm still working on these feelings. I'm kind of scared about the next couple of days, because I have some stress in my life right now. I will probably be posting on the psychology board or the social board to diestract myself, and give voice to some of the powerful feelings.
best wishes to you blueberry,
I'm glad to know that I'm not alone. Take care of yourself-llrrrpp
p.s. I'm going to have blueberries on my cereal this morning :)
poster:llrrrpp
thread:654975
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060610/msgs/655185.html