Posted by SuzieWong on January 5, 2005, at 18:44:28
I need some help with the diagnosis of my condition.
I have always worried about death, illness etc since being a small child. I used to be convinced that I was going blind, that I had contracted rabies, that I was going to urinate in public and embarass myself etc etc.
I have never had good esteem, I am shy but most people wouldn't know it, I never feel like I fit in and I worry about relationships etc.
I started developing panic attacks 11 years ago which made me become slightly agoraphobic, it would have been full blown if I didn't recognise the symptoms (my grandmother and aunt suffer with it and to extent I think my mum does too but she wouldn't admit it). Eight years ago I was in a car accident in which I suffered among other things a closed head injury. I was rejected by a group of friends around the same time which didn't help any of the above and I would feel overwhelmed with sadness all the time.
As a result of this my doctor suggested I should try some Prozac which I took for about 6 months. When I came off it I was fine for a while but then noticed a general depressed feeling and the panic attacks and anxiety started to come back. So my doctor put me on Celexa. I didn't actually feel that they did that much good but I carried on taking it for 5 years because I think I didn't actually care. I decided to wean myself off which I did over a 9month period with great problems. I felt I had a terminal illness I was so bad and it wasn't until I found some info on the internet that I realised these were withdrawal symptoms.
After being off Celexa for about 2 months I started to suffer severe rebound anxiety to the extent that I felt the floor was opening up and I was dying. My doctor advised me to take Prozac which I have now been doing for about 9 months at a very low dose ie 10mg.
When I first started taking the Prozac I became extremely manic and agitated. It was driving me crazy and I was constantly at the doctors trying to find something to stop it. My initial dose had been only 4mg and the gradual increasing of the dose gradually reduced some of the mania. However at one critical moment I saw a different doctor and he mentioned the diagnosis of agitated depression which frightened me immensely.
We have to remember here that I started taking Prozac initially because I was feeling overwhelmed with sadness. I had no other symptoms other than the panic attacks that I had suffered for some time. I truly felt that my current symptoms had been due to the taking of the Prozac although I did have a few manic moments towards the end of tapering off of Celexa.
The intial dosing of Prozac also gave me immense insomnia when I would wake up at 3 in the morning and obsess about going mad, dying etc. I would feel immense anxiety drifting over me which was extremely uncomfortable. I had weird thoughts which led to me becoming obsessed about nearly everything including whether I would harm my children or anybody elses for that matter because I had read some awful stories about side effects of taking Prozac. I was only okay if I was with people or doing something to stop me feeling a bit manic and in some respects I am still a bit like that now.
I don't suffer with insomnia, but I wake up with a depressed feeling. I should point out that also at the beginning of taking the Prozac a second time I had terrible stomach churning anxiety/stomach dropping. I can't stand being on my own. I hate being at home...its almost as if the Prozac has had a paradoxical effect on me. I want to be out all the time. I am driving everywhere and we need to remember also soemthing that I hadn't mentioned, that I developed a phobia about driving following the car accident which was another reason for going on the ADs at first aswell.
I still obsess that I am going mad and when I think about it I get horrendous anxiety going through me. But, I feel really well. I don't want to stop taking this drug because it is making me feel alive and do lots of things, playing tennis etc. In fact I have to do some of the exercise to almost work the anxiety feelings out of me.
I still worry though that I do have agitated depression and that its not being treated correctly but me not taking any notice of the different doctor. I hardly have a day where I feel content. I am probably really depressed now whereas I don't consider that I was properly depressed before. I'm so confused because I don't know anymore whether its the Prozac making me depressed or if I am actually depressed anyway.
I look forward to hearing what some of the experts out there have to say.
Many thanks and sorry its so long.
poster:SuzieWong
thread:438221
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050103/msgs/438221.html