Posted by barbaracat on January 3, 2005, at 15:39:26
In reply to Re: Those are hypomanias » barbaracat, posted by Mr.Scott on January 3, 2005, at 1:33:16
Since starting lithium 2 years ago, those horrible nightmare days are gone. Even after the mixed-states/manic episodes stopped, I was still getting garden variety lethargic depressions and weepiness. When I first started lithium I was trying all sorts of different ADs (NOT SSRI's!), with it, mainly lamictal (worked at first then pooped and I got the rash), because the depression was so hard-wired into my system it took time to let it go. It was like I didn't know any other way to be.
I was on nortryptaline after my Mom died and it helped alot but dried me out too much. SJW is the first AD that has made a huge difference in lightening my mood and I love it, but it was lithium that brought me back to sanity.
I still have alot of anxiety, which is my bane, but I can manage it with benzos and if I can get my butt in gear, exercise makes everything better.
I experiment on myself at times and tried to go without meds for 4 months and started going downhill. Lithium brought me out within 1 week. But not enough, so I started my trial with the different SJW until I hit upon the combo I'm on today. I'm on so many nutritional things but I attribute my physical health to getting my hormones balanced (including thyroid) and my mental health to lithium, SJW, inositol and fish oil.
I'm not working because I'm on disability from the fibromyalgia, so I don't have alot of the miserable stress I was under in my high-tech corporate job. That makes a huge difference in my stress level, but there's the financial stress, so stress doesn't go away. But I can handle it and I trust I'll be able to handle it. Before, I was overwhelmed by everything and was no longer able to multitask anything. I was a project manager at my job and the last few months before I had to stop working were spent sobbing in my cube. I became super-super sensitive, hearing the lobsters screaming in the tanks at the market, road-kill made me throw up, couldn't drive anymore, all was doom. Reading my journal from those years, I am amazed how far I've come in this journey, amazed I'm still alive. One tends to forget those horrible memories. Yes, I'm doing very much better these days.
My days now are primarily centered, hopeful (however, this last election sent me into despair), if I have a bad time, I know I'll be out of it soon. I don't feel like every nerve is raw and exposed. I don't have the constant 'electrical' feel, more like a soothed feel. I still get all the pissy emotions of everyday life, but as long as I don't drink too much and mix my alcohol with opiates, I don't burn myself out. As long as I keep a moderate life and look after my health, get enough sleep and exercise and all that Ben Franklin stuff, I'm one of the strongest and emotionally healthiest persons I know. I can't say I'm exactly 'happy', except for occasional times, but I look forward to living and have hope that it will become more and more fulfilling and interesting as I relearn how to do life. You have to realize, I've spent most of my life swinging wildly with normal times in-between, but I've been severely mixed states since 1997 which I was able to hide somewhat, but then not at all and ended up in a psychiatric unit.
Also, and this is huge, whatever my fibromyalgia was about is letting go. The pain and fatigue and sheer misery of fibro was a big deterrent to doing or planning anything. But I've been waking up without any pain, and feeling absolutely normal physically for the last 2 months. I feel like I can schedule and structure my life now. Before, I never knew if I was going to be laid low with pain and fatigue. I don't know what to attribute this to, but it coincides with when I started feeling consistently better all around, about 3 months ago. I'm doing something right, I wish I know exactly what.
So yes, even though I go through bad times, depression and anxiety, they come and go very quickly. It's much better now, started getting better with lithium and since finding the other meds and nutrients that are working, my life has been stable, at times lovely and good, and I have hope that it will continue this way. Oh, and a happy note, I still get mini hypomanias (might be due to I'm taking a non-therapeutic dose of lithium of only 750mg) and I'm able to 'come down' from them but still enjoy them while they last. The lithium prevents them from going too wild.
>
> So what is your day to day like? Do you still experience ups and downs but just not the mixed stuff? I guess is what I'm asking is over a 4-6 week period what kind of mood stability have you obtained?
>
> Scott
poster:barbaracat
thread:435630
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050103/msgs/437253.html