Posted by lars1 on December 28, 2004, at 5:40:50
In reply to Re: My sexual problems, posted by ed_uk on December 27, 2004, at 20:53:53
There's no need to feel like a failure. This problem is very common, especially among young men. In fact, probably the majority of men have it during their first experiences of intercourse, so it would be "abnormal" not to have had it!
I've tried pretty much every known class of antidepressant, and of all the AD's I've tried, Nardil seemed to be the one that had the most effect of delaying orgasm while having little impact on erection ability. (I haven't tried any other MAO inhibitors, so I can't compare them.) However, this isn't necessarily a benefit. Delayed orgasm can easily progress to inability to have an orgasm no matter how long you try, which can be very frustrating for you and your partner.
For that reason and others, medication would not be my first choice in dealing with this problem. Instead, you can learn to develop voluntary control over ejaculation. It's not difficult, but it takes some practice. A book that helped me tremendously with this is "Male Sexuality", by Bernie Silbergeld. (This book is also great at countering some of the toxic myths that we men pick up about sex. I recommend it highly.) In this book, you will find a series of exercises in which you will learn to sense your level of arousal during sex and make adjustments to what you are doing so that you keep your level of arousal high, but not so high that you go over the top and have an orgasm. You can then maintain high arousal for an extended period, which can be very pleasurable. There is too much in the book for me to effectively summarize it here, but I can tell you that I have tried the exercises myself, and they definitely work. (BTW, the book was recommended by Dr. Ruth Westheimer for this problem.)
Another useful technique, which isn't explained much in the book but which I have been practicing lately, is to manipulate the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle. This is the muscle that runs along pelvic floor, that is, along your crotch. This muscle is the source of the rythmic contractions you experience during orgasm. You also contract it when you stop urinating in midstream or when you tighten the anal sphincter. You relax it when you relax the anal sphincter or when you bear down to pass a bowel movement. Therefore, you can voluntarily contract or relax it by imagining that you want to do these things. (With practice, you don't have to imagine anything, you just will it to happen.)
As I mentioned above, the PC muscle is involved in orgasm. If you contract it and hold the contraction, it will tend to suppress orgasm. The same thing happens if you "force" it to stay relaxed. You can practice with both methods and see what works best for you. I suggest that you do this by yourself before trying it with a partner. It also may help to relax the rest of your body (or just your abdominal muscles) at the same time. Eventually you can learn to surf right on the edge of orgasm for an extended period. It feels great!
I picked up some of this while reading about tantric sex. Here is the URLs for a couple of articles that discusses some of the same things:
http://www.luckymojo.com/tkbiologicalbasis.html
http://www.luckymojo.com/tknorthaustin.htmlLars
poster:lars1
thread:434140
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041228/msgs/434910.html