Posted by Iansf on November 29, 2004, at 2:12:03
In reply to Re: O FOR GOD SAKE ...... see wat i mean? » Iansf, posted by Racer on November 28, 2004, at 12:15:04
> Ian, you seem frustrated by crazychickuk's post, which expresses her own fears about medication side effects, and the dangers of medications. While you and I apparently agree that being informed is the best starting point with medications, not everyone can handle it. >
<What's more, at this point CCUK has been through the mill with meds, and is irrationally frightened of EVERYTHING related to medications. The lack of support she's received from her treatment team has exacerbated her fears, with the result that every potential side effect, no matter how insignificant, takes on much more importance to her. Asking her to approach the potential dangers rationally is unrealistic at this point. >
I WAS frustrated by what she wrote. Other people were - and possibly still are - also going through hell. Yet Crazychick demanded they get off the board and stop upsetting her. If I showed lack of compassion toward her, it's because she showed none toward others. Being in pain does not justify lashing out at other people who are also in pain. Her demands were unreasonable, and I challenged the unreasonableness of those demands.
I actually know very little about her situation. I responded to what she wrote, not to her history, which you did as well in responding to my message. Do you in fact know my situation? How do you know I'm not every bit as upset and suicidal as she is? Yet you expect me to behave in a rational way.
And rightly so. I think we all have the right to expect people on the board to behave reasonably in their messages. All of us. Other people here are this minute going throught the same hell Crazychick is and have an equal, and oftentimes worse, history of frustration. But they're not making wild demands and trying to chase others off the board. Barring psychosis, schizophrenia or something of that nature, it is possible for people to respond with a reasonable level of civility. And to expect that is neither wrong nor uncompassionate.
> What bothers me, though, is that you seem to be scolding her for her fears, which strikes me as being unkind.
>I was not scolding her. I was objecting to what she was asking for, including asking other people who were in distress to stop talking about it or go away. That is something she deserved to be called on.
I realize that people don't always behave sensibly when they're in pain. I've many times struck out blindly or overreacted or done stupid things. But I don't think others who bore the brunt of my behavior were wrong or cruel if they refused to put up with it - or for that matter responded in kind.
It is, in fact, learning how not to overreact in response to my churning emotions that has enabled me to survive into my 50s. Because I've figured out how to hold myself together outside even when I'm racked with pain inside, I've managed to keep my life more or less on track. I can stand at the edge of train platform thinking about jumping yet still get on the train and go to the gym rather than retreating to my home. I can clean the house, meet my work deadlines, pay my bills, water my plants no matter how awful I feel. I've literally curled up on the floor in the corner of the closet because I hurt so much, but I managed to get myself up and do what needs to be done despite the hurt. And I don't think I would have learned how to do this if other people hadn't insisted on generally reasonable behavior. And as a result either I wouldn't be here or I'd still be living in total chaos.
By the way, Crazychick apologized for her messages. She acknowledged she was out of line, and I'm pleased she's feeling at least a bit better. I only wish her good luck finding a way to ease the pain further.
poster:Iansf
thread:420394
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041128/msgs/421704.html