Posted by iris2 on September 17, 2004, at 11:12:07
In reply to benzo request, posted by verne on September 17, 2004, at 0:14:29
> I have BPD and PTSD with a lot of other stuff thrown in. Hyper-vigilant, agoraphobic, alcoholic, online-shopoholic. I don't go off my property much. I live in a self-imposed prison. Rides take me out and deliver me back.
>
> I live in Iowa (i hope to escape some day) and doctors around here are unwilling to prescribe benzos. I'm on inderal LA 60mgs per day which greatly reduces the binges but, in the end, I still have no real life.
>
> Most of today I worried over a toilet that mysteriously ran every 5 minutes. I have a few friends, from "back when" who still tolerate me, one a former plumber, who took a crack at my toilet - none solved the problem. This eats at me. I can't go out, and I can't go in.
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> Like I said, I hardly ever go off the property, so a malfunction in the house is a whole day - or a black hole.
>
> I'm trying to get ready for my Monday's doctor appointment (md, no shrink in this county will even see me because of past BPD behavior). I would like to ask for a long-acting benzo, or any kind of benzo. I know they are uninhibiting but I don't drink when I take them so what's the harm? I might actually socialize more. But every doc I see is deadset against them.
>
> I'm trapped in Iowa. I hate this place. Can't leave until I'm out of debt. Feel like an indentured servant. Been abusing herbs not meant for human consumption lately. Morning glory seeds, blue lily and lotus from ponds in Egypt and Nepal. I've messed with poisons for an escape.
>
> My link with the outside, someone who's delivered the beer for 12 years, is terminally ill and no longer answers the phone. I think she's in the hospital or worse. I know, she's been an "enabler" but quite the shock to no longer have her. We became friends, especially recently when she needed something to do and I let her completely reorganize my house. Yesterday she drove over here to tell me she was sorry she couldn't shop for me anymore, she could barely stand. She may be gone (lung cancer since last Winter, given few weeks to live back then)
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> I'm in alot of emotional pain. I'm so tired of begging doctors for what really works - any benzo. I haven't taken any for 9 freaking years but since I ask for them, I'm considered "drug seeking". I'm 100% VA but they won't prescribe them either. Endless load of crap AD's with anti-cholengeric effects and the rest.
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> I need to move. Like faraway. I would rather be dead than go through this crap called life. Next thing on my "list" is to burn my Christmas tree.
>
> verne
>
>
Verne,I agree with woolav about the Klonopin. I am not sure what symptoms you are wanting to take it for though?
If you don't mind my asking, what meds are you currently on?
You said you have PTSD and BPD among other things. What is your diagnosis? From what you wrote it seems you have some OCD symptoms too. Just an observation. I am not diagnosed with this but I have tendencies toward it myself.
Maybe you can find a pdoc not in your county. Is there anyone who could take you to appointments? I usually ask my family to drive me to mine as he is over an hour away and I have a difficult time getting dressed and into my car yet not driving it an hour and a half in traffic.
Also some pdocs and therapists will have "phone appointments" especially after they get to know you a little. I have most of my "appointments" on the phone as getting there is usually an impossible task.
I don't think it matters so much if it is Iowa or Pennsylvania or timbucktoo if you cannot get out. You could be in the middle of New York City and it would not matter much if you do not go out. That is my experience. Location becomes pretty irrelevant if you never see the outside of your house/apartment. I would not dwell on the where of my living situation (I do this sometimes too) as much on taking advantage of whatever is available by getting there. At that point I might decide there is not much to do and want to move. Again just MHO.I think you could benefit from finding another doctor. Does not have to be a pdoc but you sound like you have complicated issues. I am not so sure a pcp is trained to deal with them. Actually a pdoc has only the med training if that. A therapist might be helpful if you are willing to go that road?
What is the Inderal for?
Hoping you are feeling better soon,
Irene
poster:iris2
thread:391809
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040915/msgs/391952.html