Posted by cpallen79 on August 18, 2004, at 11:17:07
In reply to Almost killed myself last night..., posted by RWF on August 17, 2004, at 18:58:11
Hi there, I wanted to congrautlate you on being strong and stickign with stuff... Strong people shoudl be applauded. Second, It's great that yu went to the doc. Thinsg will work out, you'll see!
> Last night was a major turning point in this journey of emptiness.
>
> I went back to work and tried to ignore the "inside shaking" feeling constantly but it became so hard to concentrate, and my face was as pale as it could get. I just wanted to scream.
>
> I eventually left work and returned home only to reveal to my wife that our "perfect" life wasn't so "perfect" anymore because I was going crazy.
>
> She was devastated and visibly upset, but I didn't know what to do.
>
> I couldn't take it anymore...the shaking....the emptiness...I began having OCD thoughts of hurting other people, and that is when I decided to take my own life.
>
> I couldn't let my children see me go crazy, and I couldn't let my wife down anymore...they did nothing to deserve this.
>
> Right before I was ready to down the entire bottle of Ativan...my wife entered the bathroom and I just didn't have the desire to do it anymore.
>
> So I broke down and took the Seroquel: What a BIG MISTAKE that was! I couldn't sleep although I was heavily sedated and I was still agitated. I even saw trails everytime I opened my eyes! Talk about crazy!!! Never again!
>
> Today...I went back to work and explained to my boss that I was having "Mental Difficulties" and I knew that they weren't going to be happy. But they let me go home and see my P-Doc.
>
> He prescribed Effexor XR 37.5mg once a day, Ativan 0.5mg a day as needed, and 300mg of Trileptal in the evening.
>
> I must admit that I am a little frightened about the Trileptal. I have never been on it before.
>
> And to be real honest...I am not crazy (excuse the pun) about taking "Head Meds" for the rest of my life but if it will make me a better husband to my wife and a better father to my kids...so be it.
>
> Thanks to all the posters who replied to my earlier posts...I appreciated it.
poster:cpallen79
thread:378864
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040817/msgs/379090.html