Posted by femlite on September 9, 2003, at 17:58:50
In reply to Re: Typical ADHD w/ atypical side effects? » femlite, posted by DSCH on September 9, 2003, at 15:43:08
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> Are these RX'd meds or "something else"? If they were "something else" and you felt benefit from taking them at the time, that could offer some clues as to what is going on and what type of medication(s) you need.Well, experimaental (self medicating) drug use ended 20 + years ago. It included cocaine and a brief episode of heroine to ease the coke crash.
Left town and drug friends and never thought about it again.I liked mushrooms (disliked acid) when i was a teenager. They made the world come into sharper focus, decreased my inhibitions to express my feelings, colors brighter, sounds more clear. When ever I would come down, I noticed audio change first. Every thing sounded dull again.
Its my theory that I was seeking trancendence from the limits of my traumatic childhood and subsequent dysfuntion. I didnt get high to get high. I really was seeking something, I believe God. Mom said I was always the Spiritual one. My shroom trips probably totaled 5-8. Left that town, never thought about it agian. (we moved aroud alot)
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> You'll likely see both the psychological and physiological "kindling" of your problems by doing this. My philsophy is not to discount information if it is possibly relevant and could act as a "springboard" to solutions without examining it carefully first.
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> > I dont even care. Ive tried meditation, (shes recomending relaxation therapy), yoga, every diet imaginable, scads of vitamins, chiropractry, accupunture, and God. Some of those things are still very much apart of my life. They have all helped at some level. None them have alleviated my mental quagmire.
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> > I just want to get on with my life. Im so tired of people telling and not listening to me.
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> > Thanks for listening.
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> You're welcome. :-)
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> I picked up a reference to 'fibro' in another post of yours. Fibromyalgia? It's frequently co-morbid with other psych problems.I know this all too well. Things are getting worse and they want to treat me as midly depressed. Maybe I have suffered from distymia at times but I can remember some sevearly destructive behavior as recently as 2 years ago.(Before opiods)
Just last week, I had suicidal ideation.It doesnt last very long, hours or a day or two. I never talk about it. Its demoralizing. I believe I will never do it. Only think of it.Im sorry if I seem closed off to ideas other than meds. Ive avoided meds for 25 years. Tried everything else. Then I realized what life could be like not mentally disturbed when I was on opiods.
I realized the reluctance I felt at tapering off was related to my reapearing mood swings and was an issue of dicpalcement. After that my conviction to never use meds. to treat my mental disorder seemed false. I realized I had been self medicating all my life. Food, sex, alchohol, and sugar.
Now, all I want is to be free from this disorder. I want to be happy again. I know there is know such thing as constant happiness. But even my frustrations were more managable on opiods.
I was fully prepared for lithium and an AD. I asked her about lamictal, she didnt even consider it. Said I was distymic. And gave me trazodone for sleep, and wellbutrin for depression. Notheing is stopping this sense of agitation.
Watching movies helps (alpha state, ya know)But how much can i do that w/o feeling like Im wasting my life?
Im sorry. I ranting again. Its not hard to do when your depressed and your mind is going a mile a minute.
Thanks againPS I really appreciated a past post you made to someone about giving current meds a fair trial, before disagreeing with pdoc. it was very sane and reasonable. It saved me from a real and overwhelming panic that day. Thank you
poster:femlite
thread:250203
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030907/msgs/258514.html