Posted by jonh kimble on March 9, 2003, at 5:44:42
Hi everyone. Im sorry but I just feel like I want to die tonight. I have been struggling with severe social phobia, what is now major depression, add and gad for 5 years. I have never had any help from any meds or councellers or anything. i want to see a phyciatrist soon but my parents say that Im not allowed to live at home if I want to do taht. They insist that I need discipline to whip me back in shape and want me to go to a millitary religious school for half a year. They honestly think it will help me so theyre not being mean, but its so hard on me. I got a job in a chicken slaughter house and they work me 50+ hours a week. A family friend might let me stay in his basement, so i guess im lucky there.
At work my social phobia is so bad. I tried so hard to open up to someone and talked to him for a while, but then I was completely unable to speak. I sat there in total silence and everyone knows im so shy. I feel like everyone is going to pry into me and tear me apart even though they dont. I throw up most days because im so worried, and can hardly eat. I think i have ulcers because my stomach hurts so much all the time. I dont have any friends to talk to and everyone Im close to (all 3 of them) say I need to go to military religious school. I feel so terrible for letting them down, I couldnt finsih high school cause I cant focus. I thought things could be better sometime but it hasnt happened. Five years of hell and now its so much worse. I dont to die but I see no other way out. please help
poster:jonh kimble
thread:207327
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030306/msgs/207327.html