Posted by Alara on February 24, 2003, at 5:32:44
Every day I go to work and function well. I am social, outgoing and get the job done. Without SSRIs, I'd be really struggling.
Before I returned to full-time work I was functioning well without meds. I was myself. I cried at national disasters on the news and was connected with the core of my being. Sure, I was a little over-sensitive, both towards others and myself, but some people would argue that a quality like this is an asset. Sensitivity is the core of who I really am.
Life presents a bit of an illusion at times. We think we have choices. Every day we can decide what to eat, what to wear, and what decisions to make about our futures. But do we really have that choice?
I live my life from day to day, popping 20mg of Celexa and 0.5mg of XAnax to get me by. Yes, it works and I am incredibly grateful. But I am not myself. I was forced to choose between supporting myself financially (a necessity for most of us) and being myself (med-free in poverty).
Sometimes I wonder if I sold my soul to drugs. At other times I wonder if I had any choice at all.
I am not depressed. I just feel a little sad and reflective tonight. It's not easy to give up a part of yourself just so that you can `exist'.
At times like this I grieve a little and can only hope that the day will come when I can function - just as myself...Meanwhile, I am improving my lifestyle (and hopefully my baseline brain chemistry) but a part of my soul is grieving.
Can anyone relate?
I've been keeping this all inside and it's starting to eat away(just a little bit) at my soul.
Alara
poster:Alara
thread:203266
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030224/msgs/203266.html