Posted by mikhail99 on January 22, 2003, at 15:46:31
In reply to Re: How do you know if you have GAD? » mikhail99, posted by ayuda on January 22, 2003, at 14:35:06
> Thank you -- it kind of sucks to be good at describing GAD from personal experience! On the other hand, if it wasn't for drugs like the SSRIs and Ativan, I still would not understand -- it's going to sound weird, but -- that I suffer from anxiety. I mean, your world is THE world to you, and until I started on SSRIs, I had no idea of just how much anxiety I lived with. I knew I was "high strung," but now I react so differently! My therapist told me yesterday that she has never seen me so calm (in a year and a half). That is mostly the Lexapro! Although I am still getting upset about things, but it is now more like anger than that "fight-or-flight" feeling.
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> It actually was better on the Effexor XR, but -- like you said, it sounds shallow -- I gained too much weight. And I do understand that feeling of I'm sacrificing my physical health for my mental health -- it's not vain, being overweight is a health risk. We may think of it as we want to look good, but it is also bad to put on this weight from these meds.
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> I now use stories of my anxiety to amuse people. Because of it, I would drive boyfriends crazy, I mean absolutely up the wall. Because I nit-picked about everything, made up elaborate schemes for how they were just trying to get on my nerves, and was never able to just enjoy the idea that any of them ever cared about me because my anxieties would not allow me to trust (I eventually called a moratorium on dating to stop driving myself and other people nuts). Then again, none of them ever responded with much sensitivity towards my feelings, which just served to increase my anxiety. I wonder if I would have treated any of them any differently had I had these meds then? So tell your husband that he is lucky that you are aware of your anxiety -- it could be worse!You're right, it does kind of suck to be able to describe it so well but look at it this way, you've worked hard to get to the bottom of things and now you have a much better understanding of yourself than probably 75% of the population has about themselves. There's much to be said for that!
My therapist took a great deal of time and effort to describe for my husband what it's like to be me (ha!) the other day and he did it so well. He likened it to a physical problem like missing a leg. He said, "You wouldn't be giving her a hard time about not being able to go up the stairs, would you?" It was actually very funny. But he also said that it probably seems like I "choose" to be negative or obsessive but I really can't help it. I think he got through to him on some level but I'm going to have to do a lot of reminding.But anyway, I appreciate you describing the disorder so well, you know it always makes you feel less nuts when someone else is experiencing what you do. Hang in there and take care!
Mik
poster:mikhail99
thread:137024
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030119/msgs/137071.html