Posted by polarbear206 on December 23, 2002, at 7:42:31
In reply to Re: Brain fog, posted by pellmell on December 23, 2002, at 0:38:00
> I'm really glad to have come back to this board in time to find this discussion. Brain fog, including that odd pressure in my head like a half-filled balloon pressing against the inside of my skull (though I never thought of this as significant), has been a major component of my depression/dysthymia/whatever (my pdoc recently threw me onto the bipolar ii bandwagon). I especially sympathise with the feeling that you're using the wrong part of your brain, that if you could only get that other part running and find a way to feed it sense data and thoughts, that you could understand things so much more deeply and naturally... Sometimes I feel like a prep cook in a busy kitchen forced to use only a paring kinfe.
>
> It's seriously affected my sense of humor, my social acumen, my enjoyment of my favorite and dialogue-heavy TV shows (Buffy, The West Wing, Law and Order), and any movies or magazine articles or novels with complex ideas and metaphors. I don't make connections like I used to, and connections are so necessary for intelligent thought... This is especially debilitating and horrifying (though I'm so demoralized at this point that the horror's faded and it all seems normal) to an English major, this not making connections, this being confused by metaphor, and is a part of why I've dropped out so many times... Like the original poster I break very easily under stress, especially academic stress. Actually, that's not true: I always find somewhere to hide when I see the first hairline cracks, shielding some small part of myself while the rest of my life crumbles neglected around me...
>
> I've found some relief with Depakote ER, 1000mg h.s. I'm feeling less anxious, less prone to go from happy and talkative to utterly moody and silent during the course of an evening, etc., and this component of mental healthiness seems sustainable, unlike the (in retrospect) possibly hypomanic ups some ADs at some doses have caused in me. And I'm feeling more clearheaded, something I didn't expect. A few months ago I quit taking the 20mg/day of Celexa I was on for a while in a fit of quasi-irrationalness, and my head has actually cleared up a bit more since then (though my moods are generally darker).
>
> I still feel everything I described above. A few months ago, before my doctor surprised the hell out of me with a script for Depakote, it was a whole lot worse. But it could still be a whole lot better.
>
> Prozac is the one drug that seemed to unlock my brain, plug everything in and turn it on, hand me a chef's knife for mincing life's onions. It also ripped out my conscience and quite possibly turned me hypomanic. Though maybe at 20mg instead of 40 it wouldn't do that. I've been on so many antidepressants (nearly all of the SSRIs, Remeron, Wellbutrin, Effexor), though (though nearly always in monotherapy), and have always quit them after a time 'cause of a fear that I'd lost myself...
>
> Good old coffee and cigarettes can clear the brain fog as well, but only for a *very* short time.
>
> I also know that I ruminate too much, flog myself for every intellectual error or oversight. But I also think hopeful things like, maybe it'll get better next month, maybe you just need to write more, think more, maybe when you go back for one class next semester things'll be okay... I live alone and have few nearby friends am an assistant computer lab administrator for a guy who hates his job, so I only notice how dully unhappy I am (by contrast) when (say) an old lover comes to stay for a few days...
>
> I dunno. Even if no one reads all this, it was good for me to say it.
>
> So, on to my conclusion, in two parts:
>
> Not so self-indulgent assertion:
> Belive the hype. Mood stabilizers really aren't just for manic types anymore. I've gotten more relief from other drugs in my past, but none of them have done the sort of good that feels so *sustainable*, so, well...stable. With antidepressant monotherapy I've always by this point into treatment (4 months or so) like something's not right, or something's gotta give.
>
> Self-indulgent and unanswerable question:
> Is this as good as it gets(tm)? Should I wait for circumstances and nature (and maybe even personal effort! imagine) to lift me from this long depressive downswing like it has in the past, and hope that, unlike in the (Depakoteless) past, the Depakote will keep me from crashing again?
>
> Argh.
>
> -pm
> (we mild depressives are the biggest windbags, aren't we?)
Pellmell,What an excellent desciption of "brain fog." It was just visiting me the past 3 weeks on and off. This time of the year with the lack of sunlight sends me into a tailspin. Finally got relief with increasing my mood stabilizer (Lamictal) up to 150mg. Shooting for 200mg. This is the first mood stabilizer that has given me inner peace and stability. I wish the same for you!! Hang in there!!
Laura
P.S.
Sat in front of the TV with a whole pot of coffee next to me. I know what you mean. Kicked the habit years ago. Was a chain smoker when the brain fog set in.
poster:polarbear206
thread:132539
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021223/msgs/132969.html