Posted by Blah on October 17, 2002, at 1:54:26
In reply to For Blah..please try everything, posted by Pfinstegg on October 15, 2002, at 18:08:17
> Hi...reading these posts every few days, I just a few moments ago became aware of how extremely difficult and serious your situation is; it seems as though you have spent 23 years of your still young life in an all-out effort to undo the damage done to you by the emotional abuse you suffered, and without success so far- I can't imagine anything more discouraging. And when you are trying this hard, and still having to cope with so much pain, it's inevitable that you are not going to have the energy to grow socially and academically the way you would like to. Something in your posts have given me the feeling that you are a really good guy with a lot of potential and valuable things to offer others.
I'd like to thank you for really thinking about my situation rather than being judgemental. This is a problem I've had from many people, not only doctors but other people with mental illnesses as well, usually people who, posibly with a better personal support system, have been able to pull themselves out more easily. I often feel so much shame. There is so much I want to do, and learn. I picture it so well in my head, but most days I'm so tired, can't concentrate, have no energy mental or physical, and it has been like this my whole life, but is getting worse. You say still young, but my youth is really gone, and that fills me with even more hopelessness. I used to feel romance existed for me in this world. Now I look around at the women I know and meet, even ones I am only moderately atracted too, and I know that no one wants me. I've asked several. Just damaged goods I guess. I won't be able to go on if having that part of life takes another 20 years of work. Even if it works, I don't think Nardil could give me that much effort. Having that part of life even if only occasionaly is very important to me. With so little closeness and affection I need it, even if it was only from time to time.
Eccept for ECT and the magnettic treatment the: neurophysiological treatments do not have alot of info bout them on the net. 2 or more years ago I seriously considered ECT. It had that great instant comic book quality. Like the average man who's hit by weird radiation and becomes super powered, I had the idea of this big machine that, if even for a little while, would make the depression and energy problems go away. However, the more research I did the less that fantacy held. It is very temporary, I don't think it lasts for even a month. There is alot of evidence that the reason depression goes away momentarily is because you feel the same shock you would in a car accident. I have also heard many negative reports from reserch and people I've met face to face who told me that the depression did not get better, and that the memory loss, for them, was permenant. This procedure for many is ineffective, and unlike drugs any negative effects will be much more permanent. The magnetic therapy I thought of too, but as you say the study sittuation is a problem. Also it is a new therapy, and my have terible dangers we aren't aware of yet. The MAOI does still need time to work, but if it doesn't, as I have begun to fear I will discuss these options with my dr. I've lost so much hope its hard to see anything snapping me out of it, at this point.> Severe depression can alter one's perception of themselves and the way they relate to the world to an incredible degree. Even through these posts, I am seeing a much different person from the way you describe yourself.
How am I a different person than the way I describe myself. I think this is a compliment, but with so much specific negative reinforcement, I need the positive feedback to be specific too.
-Thanks
Blah
poster:Blah
thread:117296
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021012/msgs/123974.html