Posted by musil on September 10, 2002, at 7:11:03
Well, here goes.
3 years on 20mg Celexa, 150mg Trazadone, 1.5mg clonazepam (Klonopin) for the following symptoms:
Major Depression with a psychotic flair, including aural and visual hallucinations
Early waking at 2AM
PTSD & PADSymptoms were controlled with this cocktail as well as they ever have been. Clonazepam dose never increased.
I fell for anti-benzo, anti-ssri rhetoric and began a rapid taper. Understandable, since I was raised in a religious cult. I stopped psychotherapy. My symptoms returned in greater intensity than ever and anti-benzo folks applauded me like adolescent cheerleaders.
I've resumed Celexa and PID diazepam along with psychotherapy, to the jeers of the now ugly anti-benzo pep squad. Therapist is also pdoc, didn't encourage or discourage taper, has never refused me meds, though is a "reluctant psychopharmacologist" and a trained analyst.
I'm left with numbness on my left side (face, arm and leg), a limp and an appt. with a neurologist. I hear a voice that calls out my name and loud bangs. Pdoc wonders if conversion disorder, which makes me extremely upset (more than usual. ha.) I'm 36, hold down a full time job, have a mortgage and two great children and a supported but tired wife.
I'm more than angry with anti-med factions. I'm mad at myself for falling once again for black and white reasoning, and feel like a horrible person for failing without meds, and feel that my current condition must also somehow be my fault.
I'm not taking diazepam as prescribed (PID) because I'm still have anti-benzo lingo in my head, because I apparently like to deprive myself of relief or my external audience is oppressive, I started smoking again as an anxiolytic (!) and suicical ideation is always with me, including a method.
I want to hear from people who have used benzodiazepines for a long time, without tolerance or withdrawal. I want to put the anti-benzo thing to rest because klonopin helped me. Pardon me, but in conclusion, SHIT.
poster:musil
thread:119447
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020906/msgs/119447.html