Posted by pwagg on July 9, 2001, at 14:12:33
I was lucky. Zyprexa was the miracle drug they billed it as. It gave me back a life worth living. I found I could suddenly read and write and understand the world again after 25 years or more of psychosis...But now what? My moods go up and down wildly simply in terms of having to deal with the world that I see before me: I didn't understand how the world worked, that politically it was so evil, and at 48 I'm too old -- and physically ill -- to change it...I can't see any future for me, I feel too tired to see any future for me...And it seems like it wasn't worth it to wake up just to understand this...I LOVE being alive, yet it seems so terrible too at the same time, to have such a brilliant mind, to be able to learn so much and see so much in so short a time and yet at 48 to have had so many things pass me by that I can never do anything about...I had no adolescence, no young adulthood -- not normal at least. So what I'm asking is does anyone else recognize this dilemma, this predicament? How do you deal with it? Is there an answer?
poster:pwagg
thread:69484
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010708/msgs/69484.html