Posted by Jane D on May 25, 2001, at 19:57:57
In reply to The Cow Speaks » JahL, posted by Cam W. on May 25, 2001, at 13:54:47
>but the cognitive therapy, social skills training, etc., improves the quality of life by teaching one to "live", rather than "exist". I don't believe that one with a chronic illness cannot improve themselves; having a chronic illness is not an excuse for not working hard to improve oneself.
>
>
I'm another long time lurker - over a year - who recently decided to crawl out into the light. (I guess I can say no to that diagnostic question about impulsiveness :-) I've been reading and enjoying (and mentally arguing with) postings by many of the people on this thread for a long time.I think I'd better say now that I'm pretty firmly on the med side of the divide. For me, meds were a miracle and I doubt I will ever do without them. Like Marie I suddenly did feel "normal" (at least for a while). Suddenly after medication I found that not only did my efforts to change my life no longer always fail but they weren't even that much of an effort.
That experience has changed how I react to the world and I'm not sure those changes are all good. I worry that I don't try as hard anymore because I've learned that it's a waste of effort. And, of course, for years it really was.
I know that everybody has bad days that they just need to wait out and bad relationships that they need to end. Unhappiness is one of the clues to use in realizing this. I worry that when these things happen to me my first thought will be that I need to adjust the meds. It's tricky because, for me, much of the time that is probably exactly what needs to be done - but not always -and I don't think I'll know which is which. And of course if I get it wrong I risk the abyss again.
Or, as another example, I'm supposed to meet a friend who needs support. I'm in the middle of a med change and afraid to leave the house. I can do it but it will cost me. Thanks to the medication, I now know that it just doesn't cost other people this much. I also know it will be easier for me next month when the meds start to work again. If I don't go am I being realistic about being sick or just a selfish jerk.
Or, I used to struggle through every social encounter thinking it would someday get easier. Never did until the meds. When the meds work it is easy and enjoyable. When they aren't working I no longer force myself to go out. Is this a loss or just sensible?I'm curious about whether any of the other people who've had success with meds have felt like this. I also hope I haven't alienated those people who haven't been so lucky yet. These complaints must seem very trivial. I do know that I am extremely lucky to be able to worry about the little things and I hope that everybody has that much luck soon.
Jane
poster:Jane D
thread:63214
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010522/msgs/64266.html