Posted by Kathi on April 6, 2001, at 12:02:22
In reply to Help, my therapist is out of town, posted by Wendy B on April 3, 2001, at 21:55:36
> Hi folks,
> I am a little on edge here, my therapist/pdoc (a nurse practitioner who specializes in psychiatry) and I figured out yesterday that I probably am Bipolar II, seems like a hypomanic phase. At the session she saw me bounce way up for the first time, after I had been coming to her for weeks in a major depressive state, crying each time over my lost relationship (with another bipolar II, another story for the other babble).
>
> I came into the session not being able to stop talking, and said, look, I think I'm starting on an upswing, maybe I'm not just depressed, maybe I'm bipolar. And she later in the session told me that she had spoken to the psychiatrist she used to work for, and told him about my case, and mentioned to him that she thought I was bipolar, too.
>
> The problem is that she's going out of town for three weeks, and I need some guidance from you all. She put me on more Neurontin (I was taking one 600 mg at bedtime to help me not wake up at 4:00 am), now she's upped that to 1200 mg at bedtime. Plus now she's told me to take one 600 mg during the day to calm me down. Does this sound ok?
>
> Other meds are Wellbutrin, 200 mg in the morning, 100 mg 12 hours later, for depression. It has been ok, I have stopped obsessing about food, and lost 17 pounds over the past month. I take vitamins and everything, but I just don't seem to be all that hungry any more. I also take Xanax very infrequently, for panic and anxiety. The therapist says the Wellbutrin helps with anxiety, so that's why I take one at night.
>
> With the therapist leaving for Turkey tomorrow, I'm worried about losing it, and not having anybody around who I can talk to. That's why I'm writing. Yesterday after the session I felt really bad, so guilty, so freaked out, I couldn't stand it. I felt like this at moments during the day today, but not quite as bad.
>
> Another question about meds: should I really be taking an antidepressant? I thought it induced hypomanic states in certain bipolar II cases. What would it be like for me to reduce the Wellbutrin? Do any of you play with dosages, depending on whether you are up-cycling or if you're very low?
>
> Further, I'm making myself crazy over the diagnosis. We talked in the session about my father who was a drunk, and she says he probably was bipolar too, alcoholism being co-morbid with so many mood disorders. His whole family was affected by drinking. He and my mother split up when I was one yr old, and he has lived a wandering life, re-marrying in every place where he settled down, I have half-brothers and sisters I don't even know. He and my mother never spoke again after their split, and I never knew him, only heard the stories. My mother's family is filled with actors, theater-types, musicians, crazy, loud italians. The dx makes sense with these two genetic influences.
>
> But what does the dx mean about all my past actions, relationships, burnt bridges, friendships gone sour, etc? Does it mean that I have to see everything through the 'lens' of the diagnosis? I am feeling so incredibly guilty about my behavior in the past. Have any of you felt this way when you really figured out what the symptoms mean and have gotten what you believe to be the 'true' diagnosis? Or felt like it explains everything? Or only up to a certain point? But where is that line?
>
> My ex-boyfriend, who sees the same therapist for meds only (on tons of Neurontin every day, no antidepressant), says this woman seems to 'specialize' in bipolar disorder. He says she must give everyone she treats the same diagnosis. He's only slightly kidding. He thinks the 'diagnosis' as such is meaningless and that I shouldn't blame myself for past problems in life. The biggest one recently: I lost my job last September, through progressive disciplinary action and then firing... So kind of a tumultuous past 6 months, to add to the mix. Sorry if this seems rambling, I don't really have much control at the moment. By the way, my therapist has someone on call, but she doesn't know my case personally. What if I end up having to go to the hospital? Please, anyone have any responses to the medication issues, or stories to tell about their dx, how it affected their perceptions of the past, etc?
>
> Thanks in advance so much,
>
> Wendy>Hi Wendy - Finding the right meds AND right diagnosis can be very difficult at best. Some of us have more than one thing going on. I have depression with mild add and they THINK a mild bipolar 11. Many of the symptoms overlap. And yes when you find out what it is that you are diagnosed with it feels good to find out the Why's but there are other emotions that go along with it. What has happened in the past is in the past. This is a new page to begin with. Use all the info you can gather. Also a major culprit to consider for women is PMS/hypoglycemic which can mimic some of the same symptoms or make the existing depressions etc. worse. A wonderful book (only $5.99 at Boarders Bookstore) Unmasking PMS by Joseph Martorano MD, Maureen Morgan CSW, RN and William Fryer MD.It talks about relationships between PMS, depression, manic states, anxiety etc. It has been extremely informative. It seems like you might want to investegate some other options for a psychiatrist(along with the counselor you are seeing if you are comfortable with her, who is OPEN TO WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY and who really listens to your symptoms. I know it can be scary being in the state you are in (or were previously in).You are right about the effects of anti depressants and bi-polar. They can put you into a manic episode if not taken correctly ALONG with meds such as lithium, or depakote, etc for bipolar. Only a psychiatrist (who is well informed) can acurately monitor this(and then it can be trial and error). There are many sites out there that can give you acurate info on all of these diagnosis; testings to see if you MAY have a certain depression (which of course should be talked over with competent psychiatrist. I think it takes awhile to really get to know the correct symptonms of the patient. Education is the best tool. I'd love to hear back to see how you are doing! good luck to you!!Karen (Kathi)
poster:Kathi
thread:58593
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010403/msgs/58922.html