Posted by Nibor on August 1, 2000, at 22:54:42
In reply to feeling ashamed of depression, posted by ksvt on August 1, 2000, at 19:47:16
> I saw a neurologist today. I've been having intermittent and at times very acute episodes of pain to one side of my face since Dec. In search of an explanation, I've been to an internist, an EMT guy, an allergist, been treated with 2 different courses of antibiotics and had 2 different CT scans all to pretty much no avail. The neurologist was the EMT guy's idea, but the neurologist couldn't figure out much either (he thought it was a sinus problem altho that avenue has been explored pretty thoroughly). The upshot was that he decided I should just be treated for facial pain of undetermined origin which, he claimed was not an unusual by product of depression. (news to me) He's prescribed small doses of elavil which, I guess is supposed to increase my pain threshhold. When I realized that he was pretty stumped I found myself pushing the idea myself that it was all stress/depression related, which is sort of my answer to everything. I despise having to relate my medical mental health history, and this time was no exception. I just came away from this appointment unbelievably depressed - that I had to let one other person know about my depression, that this sould bother me at all, that there are so many physical conditions that are too readily passed off as depression related, that I'm going to start taking another med which will do nothing to address a root cause, that all this is happening at a time when I was in the process of switching some meds and has disrupted plans somewhat, that because of this the neurologist had to talk with my pdoc, that both of them were questioned by my pharmacist who was curious about these prescriptions being called in in such a short period of time, and most of all, that I'm dealing with everything so miserably. I'm sure this sounds pretty rambling. The neurologist's office is in a hospital. I could see tons of people all around me dealing with really horrible stuff, so I feel like I have no reason to be depressed - but I get worn down by thinking of myself as a person with a disease (particularly one that shames me so much that I hate talking about it even to doctors) I make myself feel like I'm wearing a scarlett letter or something. This post probably seems pretty incoherent (and feels very inconsequential) but I hoped it would distract me from lying aroung thinking about hurting myself, which is pretty much what I've been doing. It doesn't require a response.
I am sorry you are having so much physical pain, and it's especially tough when the MDs can't pinpoint the problem. I wish I had some way to help.
There are many painful conditions that are difficult to find a cause for--like fibromyalgia, migraines, TMJ, chronic back pain, chronic fatigue syndrome. Don't let anyone make you feel bad just because they THINK it's "all in your head." Even if it is, it still hurts. Why should you have to feel shame because of that.
Sometimes people have surgeries because of back pain; apparently if you X-rayed almost anyone's back, there would be some kind of disc abnormality. So if you are in pain, the surgeon wants to surge, then you are sometimes in more pain after because that wasn't what was really causing the pain. I know this happens because it went that way for my husband. Now he tries to just live with it--excercise, pain killers sometimes, massage, relaxation techniques, he tries lots of different things--it isn't easy and it can get him down (he suffers with depression, after all), but he keeps working at it. And some days something works, then the next day it doesn't. But that's the way it is for now and on most days he is determined not to let it stop what he wants to do.
I hope you find some things that work for
you; keep trying till you find a few.
Nibor
poster:Nibor
thread:41956
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000729/msgs/41971.html