Posted by In Need on April 15, 2000, at 17:01:33
In reply to Re: Doctors not death, posted by Noa on April 15, 2000, at 14:21:40
You all have no idea how deeply I appreciate your responses. I am in a particularly bad place right now, and in a way, I can see that it comes from having better self-esteem. For instance, the reason I have almost no friends right now is because I am no longer willing to put up with thier lack of support and condescending attitudes. Like I said before, I tend to very non-judgmental with friends. I always try to think of something nice to say, even if they did not handle some situation as well as they could have. Friendship isn't about putting people down, but that attitude never seems to be mutual. I don't get it in return, so I'm lonely right now. I'm shedding the old unsupportive friends, and hopefully, I will make new friends who will respect me. I know I need to be more assertive. It is hard for me, though. I find it incredibly draining. Maybe I'm having growing pains. I also feel very unhappy that my presence on earth does not help others more (I mean on a wider scale than friendship.) I want to be more helpful to others, but I don't know how to direct myself. I have always had that problem. I do see a psychiatrist, and right now we are working on finding the right meds. Am I in a dangerous place? Yes, I think I still am. Last night while having a glass of wine, I thought, "Maybe I should just do it now while I am feeling good. Maybe I should just get it over with." I own a gun, but I would never give it up. I want the power to exit life if I decide to. I'm sorry this is so morose. Forgive me. This is the voice of depression, I suppose. Don't worry, though. I probably will not hurt myself. Your responses have made me feel wanted on this earth. Thank-you so much from the bottom of my heart.
poster:In Need
thread:29931
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000411/msgs/30149.html