Posted by dove on April 15, 2000, at 9:24:54
In reply to Re: Noa - haven't seen you post lately, posted by Noa on April 14, 2000, at 14:23:36
Noa,
I am so sorry for what you're going through. My heart and prayers are with you all the way. I know exactly what you're talking about in regards to feeling overwhelmed and kinda "lost" when you were in the room with 150 voices and faces and a stack of papers, all of it just a chaotic blur. I totally relate to the failure deal, all my life I've spent trying to defend my self for the little steps I *did* take, and trying to swivel the focus off all the things I *missed*. Sometimes there is no defense and we're forced to see ourselves through the harsh and uncaring eyes of strangers; and even family and friends will, on occasion see us through cold numb glasses.
We have to work for ourselves, we have to believe in ourselves because there may not be too many others who do. I believe in you Noa! You are one of the most interesting people I have ever known. You have given so much and your heart has been burdened with concern for the injured and the hopeless, and you've carried that weight bravely. My hope is that the kindness you show others you will be able to show yourself.
Lithium, didn't empower you, but did help. ADs, still facing the same line-up. You need a p-doc that will forge through that big brick wall and give you some hope. You need energy, without agitation; you need stability, without lethargy. This new p-doc consult better give you some realistic options, you deserve some brain-storming Noa!
Have you read any of JohnL's posts? Adrafinil seems to meet many of his needs that are similar to yours. His cocktail: Adrafinil 600mg, Amisulpride 100mg, Remeron 7.5mg, St Johnswort 900mg. Let's say you decide to go the mood-stabilizer route, which ones do you have in mind? You've gotten some feedback in stabilizer meds, not as much as one would like in order to make a well-informed decision, but feedback none-the-less.
Did your regular p-doc give you any clues, hints, advice for new approaches? Try the newer ones first? What about Wellbutrin? I don't know if I believe in Wellbutrin's powers as an AD, I haven't had very positive responses to it; and didn't feel like it was doing anything other than whispering empty promises. Serzone has been tried and found wanting, do you need an anti-anxiety med or just depression fighting ones?
There is an answer and you will find it, do not despair Noa. Please take care of yourself, you are so precious; despite whatever *work* that has gone unfinished, these things go unfinished and unattended to for eternity. (((Noa))) You are irreplaceable and priceless. Do not lose faith.
My thoughts are with you and my prayers are for you!
dove
poster:dove
thread:29892
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000411/msgs/30071.html