Posted by Cindy W on February 4, 2000, at 9:07:13
In reply to Re: Lair Update, posted by Noa on February 4, 2000, at 3:26:56
> Cindy, I had another thought about why it is hard for me to get rid of some things even though I know I haven't used them and am unlikely to need them.
>
> I think a lot (not all, but a lot) of the stuff I hold on to represents some kind of failure I feel about myself, like something I failed to complete, or some way I did not meet expectations. For example, any kind of reading material started but not completed, whether for pleasure, for professional purposes, or for a class I started but stopped attending. Or little "projects" started and left undone, or incomplete. Anything from crafts to things I clipped to send to friends, to half written letters never finished or sent, etc. Or, barely worn clothes that don't fit because of gained weight.
>
> I think that by holding on to stuff, I am postponing facing the fact that I "failed" in each of these ways. Failed to meet an expectation I set for myself. For me, this means Failed with the captial F, confirming that inner sense of being a Failure, no good, rotten, etc. So, holding on to stuff, for me, is an avoidance mechanishm. It both helps to avoid being conscious of the "schema" (core belief)of being a Failure, and I think it also helps to maintain that "schema".
>
> Cindy, thanks for this dialogue about holding on to stuff--it helped me make this connection.
Noa, I've enjoyed talking with you about holding onto stuff too. For me, holding onto stuff also represents not having to feel like a failure (unread books, clothes that don't fit)...I keep thinking eventually I'll read everything and lose weight. I've bagged up some old clothes and am trying to get up the courage to take them back to the Goodwill. Good luck cleaning the rest of your place (I think it would take me a decade!).--Cindy W
poster:Cindy W
thread:20422
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000128/msgs/20510.html