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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Joan797 on February 11, 2006, at 7:48:11
Just a note to say that I am still around. Dealing with the current crisis of a parent's terminal illness. I am sorry that e-mails haven't been forthcoming, but I'm not even home very much and no internet access where I currently reside.
I miss this place.
I miss my friends.
I miss my life.
I miss being able to breath.This miserable existence brings forth to mind all the other miserable things that have happened and makes me utterly worthless as a caregiver since I am bawling profusely at intermittent intervals.
I feel very alone sometimes, and wish desperately for a warm set of arms to curl up in.
Yet those arms are crossed and not inviting.
Ho Hum.
I'll try to keep in touch.
Joan (Ada)
Posted by Sabrina_0805 on February 11, 2006, at 9:46:04
In reply to To One and All, and All in One, posted by Joan797 on February 11, 2006, at 7:48:11
It has been so rough for you and I guess it isn't going to get any easier.
There is nothing anyone can say or do that would change your situation. But, we are always here for you.
I miss you.
Sabrina
Posted by deirdrehbrt on February 11, 2006, at 10:29:09
In reply to To One and All, and All in One, posted by Joan797 on February 11, 2006, at 7:48:11
Joan,
I don't know you as I've been away from the boards for a while, and only recently came back. I thought I would share something with you though.
For the longest time, I thought that my relationship with my parents had died when I was 14, and in many respects, it did. Being compelled to think over my relationships lately, I came across some times when those relationships were healthy.
One of those times was when my Mom's mother was dying. My mother had been taking care of her at my parents' house for months, and my grandmother finally became too sick to take care of at home, so she was in the hospital.
One day I went to visit, moments after she had passed away. It was just me and my mother, and my grandmother in that room. For those few minutes, the three of us were closer than we had ever been, and maybe closer than we ever will be.
I've never lost a parent, so I can't tell you what it is like, or how to make it easier... I don't think that anyone can tell you that.
I can tell you though that death can be a holy thing. That it can bring people closer. I can tell you that if you are there for your parents, that they appreciate it. That having family and friends there makes it more of an experience of transition than ending, and makes it more natural and less frightening.
It hurts. We come to depend on those we love, and they won't be around anymore. One thing that I love about Native American spirituality is that they believe that when a person dies, their spirit remains with us They are still here. They are in the air and the earth and the water and they are a part of us. That brings some comfort.
I hope that you keep coming. I hope that you can find blessing in the journey that your parent is taking. I hope that you can become closer.
Blessings,
--Dee
Posted by Johnny's Fav Girl on February 11, 2006, at 12:10:57
In reply to To One and All, and All in One, posted by Joan797 on February 11, 2006, at 7:48:11
This sounds like a very lonely place you are in. Missing friends, life, fearing for the life of a parent. It must be hard to breath. I know the pain of the arms you want around you being crossed and uninviting. Next time you need to be embraced, close your eyes, and imagine the warmth and love that you get from the people you know would reach out at that moment. I know you will feel it. I'm new here so we havn't met, but I'm sending you HUGE warm HUGS right now. Hang on to them for later. E
Posted by Phillipa on February 11, 2006, at 17:00:20
In reply to To One and All, and All in One, posted by Joan797 on February 11, 2006, at 7:48:11
I'm so sorry I kindda know what you're going through as my Mother died when I was l7 and we had no family at all. Sorry. Here's a hug and a kiss. Love Phillipa
Posted by damos on February 11, 2006, at 17:55:55
In reply to To One and All, and All in One, posted by Joan797 on February 11, 2006, at 7:48:11
You touch us without needing to stay 'in touch'
Just know we love and care for so very much and carry you with us in our hearts - always.
((((((((((Joan))))))))))
Posted by Joan797 on February 13, 2006, at 6:26:46
In reply to To One and All, and All in One, posted by Joan797 on February 11, 2006, at 7:48:11
It's just not the dying that is killing me mentally and physically. In fact, I welcome it. This isn't living for someone to be out of their freakin mind, urinating on themselves, in and out of pain, etc....etc..... But a part of me, a deeper and deeper part of me is tired of it all. Tired of having to do everything for someone who wasn't very nice to me my entire life. In fact, "not very nice to me" is a pretty big overstatement.
Abuse comes in many forms......apparently even in forcing a child to care for an elderly dying parent who was mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically abusive to that child for 40 years.
Death can't come soon enough, and may God forgive me for wishing it sooner.
Joan
Oh, and thank you all for your support. It doesn help to know that there are people out there who aren't going to take advantage of my heart.
Sabrina, Please forgive me for this post, I know you suffered greatly at the loss of your father, and I in no means wish to cause anymore pain to you.
Damos, can we get married? Why is it that you seem to be the only man I have ever met who just "gets it" ?????
Deidre, Phillipa, Johnny's Girl..... Thank you for your kind words......
This too shall pass.............I just don't know when. I'm ready for a break and finally a new life. This one I've got really sucks.
Posted by Sabrina_0805 on February 13, 2006, at 9:53:32
In reply to Deeper than the dying *triger*, posted by Joan797 on February 13, 2006, at 6:26:46
Oh Joan, there was no need for an apology. I was reading your post and feeling nothing but empathy and understanding. You have been through so much growing up with this parent and then through so much since he has been ill. And I fully and completely understand your feelings. I had not even thought of my own father whilst sharing your pain. But seeing my name and reading your personal note to me came as a wonderful and very much appreciated surprise. But I say again, that you did not need to apologize at all. Joan, I truly do understand and I truly wish for release for you - in whatever form that might take.
You remain in my thoughts so very often.
And I do miss you.
Take very good care of you!!!!
Sabrina
PS: - way to go Damos!! :) :)
Posted by muffled on February 13, 2006, at 10:51:17
In reply to Deeper than the dying *triger*, posted by Joan797 on February 13, 2006, at 6:26:46
This is the end of the thread.
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