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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ClearSkies on February 10, 2006, at 7:56:11
I think things are starting to settle down finally. It's been a bizarre couple of weeks here in my head. First of all, I've been having (and continue to have) problems with being confused, forgetting what I'm doing and where I'm going. Yesterday I freaked out in the pharmacy because I thought I left my wallet on the counter and when I went back to check, the pharmacist blew me off to ask the "front of the store"; the checkout clerk - of course - had not seen my wallet, and when I asked politely to speak with the manager, to check with him, she paged him. He didn't respond. I asked her to find him so I could speak to him, she went to talk to him, and came back saying, "he hasn't seen your wallet."
At which point the teeth started to clench. "May I speak with him, please? Like I asked to do?" She told me where he was. So I see him, and sure enough, he had not seen my wallet. Now, I was only ever at the pharmacy, not at the main checkout counter, so I did not expect to find my wallet having been magically transported from one of the building to the other in the 2 mintues it took me to realize that I didn't have it in my handbag where it belonged. I couldn't remember when I'd had it last in my hand, and thought that maybe I had taken it out when at the pharmacy counter.
OK, big breath. I said to the manager, "This is really bogus. All I'm trying to do is retrace my steps and ask if I left something behind. I have been sent from one end of the store to the other just to try to speak to someone." I know my face was getting red; the manager just looked bewildered and puzzled. So I stomped off to my car, crying the whole way, open my car door and there the wallet is - between the seat and the door - which is fine. All I had wanted to do was retrace my steps, and had been given a silly runaround.
Then I'm thinking - everyone in that store knows that I'm the crazy woman who gets all sorts of psych meds at that pharmacy. Now they know I'm belligerent too. I started to *wail* in my car, great heaping gulps of sobs. I didn't dare look around to see if I had an audience. I just managed to get the keys in the ignition and drive home.
The not remembering, that's what upset me so. My pdoc has already reduced the dosage of one medication and stopped another to try to see if there is a culprit there.
And so I have been going through xanax withdrawal, as this is the medication I stopped. I had been on a very low dose - .25mg - but had been on it for 2 years. I've been experiencing the zap and tingling of my extremeties, all my joints aching to the point of whimpering in my sleep (waking myself up every night); and having the chills and major sweating. Very very yucko.
At the same time, I've had a sinus infection and been really sick with that. Generally feeling like a road resurfacer has been going back and forth to make certain I'm as flattened as I can possibly be.
I've had visitors staying in my home, my inlaws, and that has been disruptive. WOn't bother going into that story except to say that it was difficult for me as a recovering alcoholic to have a perpetual party going on around me for over a week. No polite escape possible there.
Moan, moan, moan. I'm not done yet. We are going out of town on Sunday and my husband is already asking me if I'm going to be "OK" for the trip. He asks me this every time we go away. So I don't know, I don't KNOW, OK? if I am going to be OK by the time we go away.
I'm also pretty manic at the moment and getting all sorts of grandiose, profound thoughts about the immutable nature of water and our connectedness to the universe. That is something I want to be able to revisit when I'm feeling more grounded, but it's really distracting to be having all these random thoughts bouncing around while this other stuff is going on.
OK, I am done now. Quite a rant, for me. A lot of complaining and frustration, pain and discomfort. As with water (see above), I know that this time will flow past me as a river flows past the pebbles lying in its bed. I'm trying to wait it out, I don't enjoy this, I want to feel better and calm and excited about the trip.
CS
Posted by Sabrina_0805 on February 10, 2006, at 8:23:43
In reply to Have not been myself lately, posted by ClearSkies on February 10, 2006, at 7:56:11
I am sorry that you are going through a rough patch. I totally sympathize as I have been feeling quite out of sorts myself lately. There is so much going on and I hate feeling so unorganized and cluttered. And overwhelmed. This is when I become forgetful, no matter how many post it's are lying about.
I have become a real grouch, arguing and snapping at my husband and son for no real reasons but determined to find reasons and stand by them whether these reasons are justifiable or not.
That was just my little whine!
I am certain that you will be just fine for your trip but I understand the pressure you feel when you are asked if you will be ok and you cannot predict what will happen then.
Since I haven't the courage to tackle my issue with drinking just yet, I shall raise a glass or 3 for you and wish you a really good trip!
I hope you are feeling better really soon.
Sabrina
Posted by sleepygirl on February 10, 2006, at 11:04:06
In reply to Have not been myself lately, posted by ClearSkies on February 10, 2006, at 7:56:11
((((ClearSkies))))
It sounds like you're really trying hard to keep it together - and it's frustrating that the people in the pharmacy couldn't give you the slightest little bit of assistance.
I might feel pretty overwhelmed if I had people staying with me (that'd be enough right there) and I wasn't feeling well!
I hope you feel more grounded soon.
-all the best,
sleepygirl
Posted by Phillipa on February 10, 2006, at 11:56:05
In reply to Have not been myself lately, posted by ClearSkies on February 10, 2006, at 7:56:11
Clear Skies something is definitely wrong. And I know what you mean when someone asks if you're going to be okay. Well I'm not a mind reader and I assume you aren't either. Should you maybe call your doc and see if he wants you to adjust your meds for a bit. I couldn't go anywhere without a note to remind me of what I need to get. But you are under a lot of pressure and now maybe is not the time to stop the xanax. I don't really know what to say. Only you know what is the best thing to do. Love Phillipa ps if you go have a really good time
Posted by ClearSkies on February 10, 2006, at 12:15:18
In reply to Re: Have not been myself lately » ClearSkies, posted by Phillipa on February 10, 2006, at 11:56:05
Thanks, Phillipa. I have to go on this trip because we are flying and booked into a hotel etc... no pressure no pressure.
And my doctor is having me adjust the medications one at a time until we get to whatever is the problem. I want that instant relief though.
And the xanax is a done deal, all stopped now for a week and a half. I think I'm over the worst of the withdrawal physically. Not carrying an emergency pill with me was the hardest part for me to do.Thanks Sleepygirl, I needed to vent and get all my mixed up feelings out there for all to see. I had to go back to the pharmacy today, to pick up the prescriptions I had dropped off yesterday. I managed to blurt out an an explanation to the clerk who had given me the run-around. She seemed really concerned and said she was happy I found my wallet. Oh the joys of living in a small town!
And Sabrina, as ever, thank you thank you thank you. We will persevere, we will be stronger, we are stronger than we know.
ClearSkies
Posted by wanttobhappy on February 10, 2006, at 12:15:37
In reply to Have not been myself lately, posted by ClearSkies on February 10, 2006, at 7:56:11
Clear Skies,
I know you don't know me, I just wanted to give a little support. I did the exact same thing with my keys about a week ago. The only difference was I found them in one of my coat pockets (one I never Put stuff in) right in front of the people who thought I was losing my mind. Talk about embarassing!!! I also can relate to company invading, Ilove my inlaws and we get along really well BUT, after they visit I spend like 4 days at home resting as much as possible, not answering the phone and hoping no one stops by. I guess I just get overstimulated with company over. Anyway, just trying to tell ya you are not alone!! Hope you have a better day.
Best wishes,
Laura
Posted by Phillipa on February 10, 2006, at 12:47:35
In reply to I do love you guys ya know :-), posted by ClearSkies on February 10, 2006, at 12:15:18
Clear Skies soon it will be Sunny Days!!!! You have persevered and gotten over the very worst of all your problems won't go into them here. Congratulations on the xanax. I really do envy you . You are a genuinely strong person . You did it!!!!!!!Love Jan
Posted by AuntieMel on February 10, 2006, at 13:47:16
In reply to Have not been myself lately, posted by ClearSkies on February 10, 2006, at 7:56:11
>>>At which point the teeth started to clench. "May I speak with him, please? Like I asked to do?" She told me where he was.
Way to go girl! That, my friend, is a great example of standing up for yourself.
Practice, practice, practice and maybe both of us will be able to do it without tears.
Posted by ClearSkies on February 10, 2006, at 14:28:44
In reply to Re: Have not been myself lately, posted by wanttobhappy on February 10, 2006, at 12:15:37
Nice to meet you! And thanks, I kindred spirits are always welcome.
Posted by wildcard11 on February 10, 2006, at 14:40:51
In reply to Have not been myself lately, posted by ClearSkies on February 10, 2006, at 7:56:11
This too shall pass. You are strong and loved and just take today for what it is and tomorrow when it gets here. You'll be back to your old self in no time! ;-)
Posted by muffled on February 10, 2006, at 15:40:30
In reply to I do love you guys ya know :-), posted by ClearSkies on February 10, 2006, at 12:15:18
> Thanks, Phillipa. I have to go on this trip because we are flying and booked into a hotel etc... no pressure no pressure.
> And my doctor is having me adjust the medications one at a time until we get to whatever is the problem. I want that instant relief though.
> And the xanax is a done deal, all stopped now for a week and a half. I think I'm over the worst of the withdrawal physically. Not carrying an emergency pill with me was the hardest part for me to do.
>
> Thanks Sleepygirl, I needed to vent and get all my mixed up feelings out there for all to see. I had to go back to the pharmacy today, to pick up the prescriptions I had dropped off yesterday. I managed to blurt out an an explanation to the clerk who had given me the run-around. She seemed really concerned and said she was happy I found my wallet. Oh the joys of living in a small town!
>
> And Sabrina, as ever, thank you thank you thank you. We will persevere, we will be stronger, we are stronger than we know.
>
> ClearSkiesHey CS, you got any idea of how beautiful you are inside?
You are so cool.
Muffled
Posted by TexasChic on February 10, 2006, at 19:13:30
In reply to Have not been myself lately, posted by ClearSkies on February 10, 2006, at 7:56:11
Wow! That is alot of stuff going on at once! Its strange, I almost babblemailed you the other day to ask if everything was alright. I just felt like you sounded a little off key lately. But I figured it was just the not drinking, which I'm very impressed with by the way.
Just the house invasion would have made me crazy. There's nothing worse than have your haven compromised. Its feels like there's nowhere to go to feel safe. And to have them drinking in front of you! God, I don't know how you did it! Really! You are way stronger than you can possibly realize (because you're so close to everything).
I also know the misery of a sinus infection. Are you taking antibiotics? That's the only thing that will clear it up for me. That and staying on Sudafed 24/7 (I recommend the 12 hour so it will last through the night, store brand of course). Unfortunately the antibiotics always make me feel tired and draggy. And the Sudafed can be too stimulating for some people.
I've done something similiar to your missing wallet adventure. After I got home from the drugstore one day, I thought the Pharmacist had left my prozac out of the bag. I went back and ranted and raved and he finally gave me a new bottle. He was really snotty and said he would never do this again. I stormed out. When I got home I found the bottle. Oops!
I'm glad you came here to get it out of your system. It always helps me. Just try to hang in there. My Grandmother always said, 'nothing ever stays the same'. It sounds simplistic, but if you really think about it, it can be very comforting. When I'm in a bad time I console myself with the knowledge that things WILL change. SOMETHING will come along and change everything. It always happens. I've tested it.
-T
P.S.
The worst memory problem I had was during the brief time I was on Trazadone. Its a very frusterating and disturbing feeling.
Posted by Johnny's Fav Girl on February 11, 2006, at 8:13:38
In reply to Have not been myself lately, posted by ClearSkies on February 10, 2006, at 7:56:11
Hi ClearSkies, I can't believe how much your life at this time, is similar to mine in so many ways. I can sooo relate, and in offering encouragement, I will try to be strong myself.
I have not worked in some time because of a heart condition, lots of meds there. I am also on celexa, clonazapam, and a handful of others for various things like thyroid etc. Type 1 diabetic also.
I did finally have the courage to climb aboard the "water wagon" a few years back, but fell of after 9 mths. I continue to struggle with that.
The pharmacy is a place were I wonder If I am judged because of me extended grocery list. Had this situation happened to me, I would have done the same thing. I am often very confused, but fake it well, good luck to you. E
Posted by clearskies on February 11, 2006, at 13:07:03
In reply to Re: Have not been myself lately, posted by Johnny's Fav Girl on February 11, 2006, at 8:13:38
Again, I am in awe of the great support here. Your words help me more than any medication does. To feel my world is bigger than the four walls of my house; to know that our existence is known by others; well, that is magical stuff.
Humbly (for once!)
ClearSkies
This is the end of the thread.
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