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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on May 30, 2005, at 7:30:41
OK...so I am thinking of doing something really naughty. There is a website where you can hook up with woman, in my case, and have quick sexual flings with no strings attatched.(NO..it is NOT some call-girl thing...it is real women who just want, well, the sexual flings.) I guess I could go out into a bar and do the same thing, but my social-phobia holds me back. Like, if I can't have a relationship right now, just having some 'physical enjoyment' should do the trick....non...oui? Like, my 'basic needs' NEED to be fullfilled! Anybody else do this? I know, I am in the minority being a single guy on here, but I JUST don't know. At 35, I am still at my peek...Hmmmphh.
Signed,
"Not gettin' any.." in Canada
Posted by Tamar on May 30, 2005, at 8:55:42
In reply to Moral question...please..I need answers..????, posted by jay on May 30, 2005, at 7:30:41
> OK...so I am thinking of doing something really naughty. There is a website where you can hook up with woman, in my case, and have quick sexual flings with no strings attatched.(NO..it is NOT some call-girl thing...it is real women who just want, well, the sexual flings.) I guess I could go out into a bar and do the same thing, but my social-phobia holds me back. Like, if I can't have a relationship right now, just having some 'physical enjoyment' should do the trick....non...oui? Like, my 'basic needs' NEED to be fullfilled! Anybody else do this? I know, I am in the minority being a single guy on here, but I JUST don't know. At 35, I am still at my peek...Hmmmphh.
>
> Signed,
> "Not gettin' any.." in CanadaWhy do you feel it’s naughty? If it’s not illegal, and no one’s getting hurt, where’s the problem? (So long as you’re SURE it’s not a call girl thing.)
I wasn’t sure from your description whether you would meet these women in person or whether you’d have online sex only. Obviously if it’s a case of one-handed typing there are fewer issues than if it’s about real physical proximity.
The only question I’d ask is: will it really make you feel better? Yeah, you’d get your rocks off. But might you find yourself wanting to ask one of these women for her phone number, wishing you could take things further, and feeling disappointed if she doesn’t seem to be interested in you as a person?
I think if you’re one of the people who can easily distinguish between sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy then you will probably find the relief you’re looking for. But if you’re one of the people who strongly prefers to feel an emotional connection during sex, then you might end up feeling hurt. Of course, you might decide that risking hurt is worth it just to touch a real woman…
Just my two cents. I hope you find a way of getting some that brings you the fulfilment you need.
Tamar
Posted by Snoozin on May 30, 2005, at 12:07:57
In reply to Moral question...please..I need answers..????, posted by jay on May 30, 2005, at 7:30:41
Hiya, Jay.
If both people know it's just a casual thing, then I see no real moral problem with it.
BUT. There are a million STDs out there, and no type of sex is ever truly *safe sex.* Is it worth the risk to possibly be saddled with an STD for life? Not even a fatal one, but one you have lifelong, that must be explained to new parter(s)? It's one thing to risk that for someone you truly care about. But is it worth the risk for some passing fun?
Just be careful out there. :-)
Susan J
Posted by messadivoce on May 30, 2005, at 13:02:22
In reply to Moral question...please..I need answers..????, posted by jay on May 30, 2005, at 7:30:41
Hmmm, I don't know if my answer will be popular, but I am going to have to say that according to MY morals, it would be wrong. Of course, your morals may be different and if you don't see a problem with it then I of course can't impose anything I believe on you. But it's just my opinion that maybe this "fling" may not do anything to help your social-phobia--if a REAL relationship is what you crave in the end.
Of course I understand the part about basic needs--and I'm really sorry to hear how frustrated you must be. As a single woman, I just wouldn't see a guy who does that kind of thing as a candidate for a steady relationship, though. Like I said, if that's what you're really wanting in the end. And of course there's the previously mentioned risk of you getting hurt in the end anyway. I just don't think human beings are programed to have one-night stands like that with no emotional baggage.
Posted by Spriggy on May 30, 2005, at 16:34:23
In reply to Re: Moral question...please..I need answers..????, posted by messadivoce on May 30, 2005, at 13:02:22
Could you do a poll first and let us all vote?? LOL
Mine would be a big, bright, red, glowing..
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it.
LOL
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 30, 2005, at 16:50:21
In reply to Moral question...please..I need answers..????, posted by jay on May 30, 2005, at 7:30:41
> OK...so I am thinking of doing something really naughty. There is a website where you can hook up with woman, in my case, and have quick sexual flings with no strings attatched.(NO..it is NOT some call-girl thing...it is real women who just want, well, the sexual flings.) I guess I could go out into a bar and do the same thing, but my social-phobia holds me back. Like, if I can't have a relationship right now, just having some 'physical enjoyment' should do the trick....non...oui? Like, my 'basic needs' NEED to be fullfilled! Anybody else do this? I know, I am in the minority being a single guy on here, but I JUST don't know. At 35, I am still at my peek...Hmmmphh.
>
> Signed,
> "Not gettin' any.." in CanadaI think that if you have to ask, it's not for you.
Lar
Posted by Damos on May 30, 2005, at 17:26:15
In reply to Moral question...please..I need answers..????, posted by jay on May 30, 2005, at 7:30:41
Couldn't do it mate. I'm not for or against the idea in any way, just couldn't do it myself.
Posted by caraher on May 31, 2005, at 14:45:44
In reply to Moral question...please..I need answers..????, posted by jay on May 30, 2005, at 7:30:41
I think Lar hit it on the head - if you're askin' it ain't for you.
Also, I'd question whether what the web site promises truly reflects the reality. How can you know they're giving you the straight dope? And even if they are I don't think this is likely to cure what ails you.
Posted by jay on May 31, 2005, at 14:54:22
In reply to Moral question...please..I need answers..????, posted by jay on May 30, 2005, at 7:30:41
Well, the evidence is pretty much weighed and examined. I yearn for physical comfort and that "secret touch" of a woman, but it would likely break my heart in the end. I had my first breakdown 12 or so years ago when I was intimate with a gal I liked, but it turned out a disaster. I remember walking out of her apartment at 5 or so in the morning that summer eve, and I felt terrible. Why? Because I new I was just another face, another name to be checked off. I knew she liked just 'one night stands', and I paid for it. That week, I went to my doctor, bent and broken, feeling like the smallest piece of dirt in the world, and started psych meds. Now, I had a couple of one night stands before, but this was the straw that broke...you know the story. I was also feeling very weak inside as a person...and I have no problem with the meds...except all the years of experimentation with meds that really hurt me, that made me worse. But, without those, I wouldn't be in the 'functional' state I am today. It's a fine line I walk...but I am thankful for some of the great meds they have out today. Anyhow...I don't know what I wanted to say, except that this 'quickie sex' thing may be very unhealthy for me. The verdict is in..
Jay
Posted by Tamar on May 31, 2005, at 19:48:02
In reply to The Judge and the Jury....to Babblers..., posted by jay on May 31, 2005, at 14:54:22
Awww Jay. I’m sorry to hear about your unfortunate experience with a woman who evidently didn’t appreciate you.
It does sound as if casual sex is unlikely to make you feel better in the long term. Maybe you’re looking for the ‘secret touch’ of a loving woman, rather than just any woman.
I know you’re an attractive, sensitive, decent man who has a lot to offer a woman. And I understand what frustration feels like. I really hope you find someone who can make you happy – physically and emotionally.
Tamar
Posted by jay on June 2, 2005, at 18:20:43
In reply to Re: The Judge and the Jury....to Babblers... » jay, posted by Tamar on May 31, 2005, at 19:48:02
Thank you so much again Tamar...boy, you are gonna blow up my ego!!..lol. Yah, I know inside what is right and good (for me, anyways) so I am going to avoid the 'fling' thing.
Really appreciate it...
Thanks,
Jay
Posted by so on June 4, 2005, at 2:06:09
In reply to Re: The Judge and the Jury... » Tamar, posted by jay on June 2, 2005, at 18:20:43
casual sex can be groovy, if the groove is right, but these singles web sites can harbor some dark shadows. Some are legit, but the more grandiose the promise the more one needs to examine risks.
I'm not talking unsafe sex risks - I'm talking scams. Try a Google search for "Russian Bride Scam". Read some of the letters posted on exposé sites. Lonely people sometimes can exploited because of their needs.
Think about it. Women who want sex can find it as easy as visiting the corner bar - cheaters can find secret liasons at a bar in a nearby town. How likely are women who want to cheat on their husband to post pictures on the Internet, with an open invitation to cheat? Maybe, but that could also be a risky way to go sneaking around. What if the husband or his private investigator were to find the pics?
There are plenty of other reasons a person would post a picture of a woman and claim to be that woman looking for sex. One can learn about a person's personal details, needs and desires, then the information can be used in further exploits. Prosititution rings can use such information to locate people who might be responsive to solicitaiton -- maybe you reply to a cheating wives site and soon start getting e-mail from an "escort service." Information can be used to construct fraudulent identities which can them be used to exploit others. Imagine your identity -- and that picture you sent the supposed would-be cheating wife --being used to solicit payments from a woman seeking entry into the United States -- in a sort of reverse foreign bride scam. And should the unfortunate Mexican woman contact you to see what happened to the $1500 she sent, the next day maybe a man contacts you claiming to be her husband and accusing you of cheating with a woman you never even contacted. How likely would you be to start unraveling the details of that mess, after being the one who started it by offering to cheat with some stranger? Most people would more likely want to forget it all. Or maybe a half dozen letters to a supposed cheating wife could lead to simple blackmail -- "I'm going to sue you for alienating my wife's affection, but I will settle out of court..."
Now that you've made the choice that is right for you, you can congratulate yourself for all the potential hassles you avoided.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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