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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Phil on February 7, 2005, at 20:37:44
We've reached my level of understanding the universe. So..I thought I'd tell you a f*rt story from my yoot.
My mother was an incredibly heavy drinker when I was young. Well one night, my step-brother and I were lighting f*rts in our bedroom.
I should say that I grew up in a small town and a ten year old had to make his own kicks, and shooting an 8" blue flame out your *** was plenty fun. Sweet tarts made me f*rt so I could be 'loaded' any time. My peers saw me as 'gifted'.
My step-bro and I were laughing psychotically mad.
Tears running down our faces, stomach ached from too much gas and too many laughs.
Anyway, being impulsive like I was, is, I told my bro that I was gonna go show Moma some chemistry in the livin' room. I don't think she had much, if any, to drink that night. My stepbro said I was nuts but I go running in my singed underwear and skinny ten your old self to the living room floor.
As I lay on my back and put my feet up in the air, my mother was going,'Philip E., what on earth are you doing?' It was then I struck the match and placed it gingerly about an inch from my, uh, underwear.
Cue foghorn..blue flames lit up the night like a nuclear bomb. I had a good run going. A flash fire. Blue methane flames a dozen inches from the, uh, muzzle.
I swear to god, I never, ever saw my mother laugh so hard. She lost it! I had carried out my duty.
My role in the household was caretaker / entertainer. It was so fun to see her laugh.
I don't remember the bad times like before: I hang onto the laughs.
I ain't got no advice except just don't take life too seriously-it's wasting laughing time.
Phil
Posted by jujube on February 7, 2005, at 20:55:40
In reply to Thank god for a f*rt thread, posted by Phil on February 7, 2005, at 20:37:44
And, don't forget, when you are around people who don't find f*rts as funny as the rest of us, make sure you are sitting close to the dog!
P.S. I hope I am not the only sick f*ck that laughs hysterically at the Klumps' dinner table scene from the Nutty Professor.
Posted by Gabbix2 on February 7, 2005, at 21:00:26
In reply to Thank god for a f*rt thread, posted by Phil on February 7, 2005, at 20:37:44
Oh Geez..
You know I grew up without brothers and it wasn't until I met Larry.. yes Larry Hoover that I learned out what a "blue angel" was. Until then I had thought it was the name of one of my favorite movies starring Marlene Dietrich, I think I would have been happy with that..
Yup, there's no end to what you can learn from Larry..
Posted by Gabbix2 on February 7, 2005, at 21:31:01
In reply to Re: Thank god for a f*rt thread » Phil, posted by jujube on February 7, 2005, at 20:55:40
> P.S. I hope I am not the only sick f*ck that laughs hysterically at the Klumps' dinner table scene from the Nutty Professor.
I always found them really vile, not to be snobby, it wasn't pretense I find some disgusting things funny, but those kinds of things just turned my stomach.. Well I never saw the Nutty Professor but I did see an episode of Drew Carey which had me in stitches so I guess I've been converted. I can't explain the episode cause it just wouldn't be funny tho'
Posted by jujube on February 7, 2005, at 21:39:59
In reply to Re: Thank god for a f*rt thread » jujube, posted by Gabbix2 on February 7, 2005, at 21:31:01
> > P.S. I hope I am not the only sick f*ck that laughs hysterically at the Klumps' dinner table scene from the Nutty Professor.
>
> I always found them really vile, not to be snobby, it wasn't pretense I find some disgusting things funny, but those kinds of things just turned my stomach.. Well I never saw the Nutty Professor but I did see an episode of Drew Carey which had me in stitches so I guess I've been converted. I can't explain the episode cause it just wouldn't be funny tho'
>In retrospect, I think maybe I should have kept that to myself! Oh well, I'll get over it.
Posted by Gabbix2 on February 7, 2005, at 22:54:54
In reply to Re: Thank god for a f*rt thread » Gabbix2, posted by jujube on February 7, 2005, at 21:39:59
>> In retrospect, I think maybe I should have kept that to myself! Oh well, I'll get over it.
Good, get over it! :)
It happens so often that I have names for it. Post-post regret babble - Boo-Boo
But really, in this case I can't see that why you'd feel that way. After all at least you didn't start a whole thread on the topic like
PHIL DID! ; 0
And I'm sure you only added that because you didn't want him to feel silly having no one respond to such an embarrasing post.
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 8, 2005, at 0:17:20
In reply to Thank god for a f*rt thread, posted by Phil on February 7, 2005, at 20:37:44
>I ain't got no advice except just don't take life too seriously-it's wasting laughing time.
Agreed!!! Laughter and silliness are the best antidepressants
Posted by 64bowtie on February 8, 2005, at 2:30:54
In reply to Re: Thank god for a f*rt thread » Phil, posted by rainbowbrite on February 8, 2005, at 0:17:20
>
> Agreed!!! Laughter and silliness are the best antidepressants<<< Laughter tends to extinguish the avalanche of emotion created by the negative stressors, by overlaying positive stressors of humor.
Net results: stress relief; avalanche averted! Depression goes away for awhile!
Sounds good to me!!!
Rod
Posted by Phil on February 8, 2005, at 4:06:13
In reply to Re: Thank god for a f*rt thread » Phil, posted by Gabbix2 on February 7, 2005, at 21:00:26
"You know I grew up without brothers and it wasn't until I met Larry.. yes Larry Hoover that I learned out what a "blue angel" was. Until then I had thought it was the name of one of my favorite movies starring Marlene Dietrich, I think I would have been happy with that..
Yup, there's no end to what you can learn from Larry.."That's classic! LOL And that Larry certainly is a fountain of knowledge.
Posted by ron1953 on February 8, 2005, at 10:58:14
In reply to Re: Thank god for a f*rt thread » Gabbix2, posted by Phil on February 8, 2005, at 4:06:13
It was especially funny because we all grew up watching westerns in movies and on TV, and they were ALWAYS eating beans! Mel Brooks is a genious.
Posted by ron1953 on February 8, 2005, at 11:20:17
In reply to Don't forget Blazing Saddles!!!!, posted by ron1953 on February 8, 2005, at 10:58:14
Posted by AuntieMel on February 8, 2005, at 11:29:37
In reply to Thank god for a f*rt thread, posted by Phil on February 7, 2005, at 20:37:44
One of the things my hubby always admired about me was that I was the only girl he met who could f*rt on command.
Before the anti-depressants that is.
Now I sit in silence.
Posted by Phil on February 9, 2005, at 8:52:17
In reply to Re: Thank god for a f*rt thread, posted by AuntieMel on February 8, 2005, at 11:29:37
Glad it's over. : )
Posted by AuntieMel on February 9, 2005, at 13:00:09
In reply to Well, this thread was a breath of fresh air, eh?, posted by Phil on February 9, 2005, at 8:52:17
There's another saying around here: I'm so hungry I'm f*rting fresh air.
Posted by Phil on February 9, 2005, at 13:12:25
In reply to Re: Speaking of fresh air » Phil, posted by AuntieMel on February 9, 2005, at 13:00:09
Now that's a new one! HAHA
Posted by 64bowtie on February 11, 2005, at 0:45:21
In reply to Re: Thank god for a f*rt thread, posted by AuntieMel on February 8, 2005, at 11:29:37
Posted by AuntieMel on February 11, 2005, at 8:49:15
In reply to Thank god for » (((AuntieMel))) » (nm), posted by 64bowtie on February 11, 2005, at 0:45:21
Posted by medhed on February 11, 2005, at 9:33:14
In reply to Re: kissy kissy to you, too (nm) » 64bowtie, posted by AuntieMel on February 11, 2005, at 8:49:15
Have you ever f*rted during a kiss?
Happy Valentine's Day. Phhhfffssssbaarrrumpp...
Posted by AuntieMel on February 11, 2005, at 13:52:30
In reply to Re: kissy kissy to you, too, posted by medhed on February 11, 2005, at 9:33:14
This is the end of the thread.
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